dReamEr

new site coz this one died on me...

2005-06-25T16:52:00.000+08:00

argh the moment that i start a new site this one works agen ! lol...

this post i was supposed to put up a long time ago ! rofl..but i onli gettin to it now ..! rofl

wels ..my blog page died on me coz i think i didnt use it enof ! rofl ..coz i went on holidays and stuf... yer..and yer.. rofl so .. i made a new one..coz people wer complaining they couldnt view this one.. and yer..when that got up and running this one started to work agen ! >_< lol

sighs o wels.. the new one be .. start of a new year.. trying to put everything behind me i gues? =) .. hrmm hehe the new site is..:

www.baybi-dreamer.blogspot.com

lol.. not much of a dif to this one ! rofl so dont get confused =) heheheheh
wels u all take cares and keep smilines**

^-^xoxoxox

cries

2005-02-28T02:16:00.000+08:00

omg !! i jus created a huge ass blog and it deleted !!!!

im soo sad that im not angry coz i juz wana cry now >_< lol =x sigh seriously dude WTF >_< BLEH

*cries*

aiyahhh!! iwl rite another one tmr then i guess sigh >_< sighhhhhhh *deep breathes*

guess whos bakk..bak agen??

2005-02-27T01:05:00.000+08:00

im bAkkkkkkk hahah meee !! i is bak ROFL!

long time no see blogger ! i miss u very much ! hahaha >_<"
my computer has been very screwyy >_< and it was taken away from me and i just got it bak last night heheh^^ so time to blog agen.. rofl
but not tonight i tink ahha >_< im too tired to think about anything atm ahahah *sowee*

byebyess

baCk to sChOOolz...

2005-02-02T21:14:00.000+08:00

blEH scHoool time... >____< soo ... boring!! arghh.. been falling asleep in class nearli everydayy *the past 3 days* haha >_< argh it takin a long time tooo >_< today feels like fridayy =/ sighs...

wel.. im at home by my lonesum for this month >_< hrmm it is i gues.. good in a wayyy and... not very goood too ! =/ coz for one.... i got shiet all fooood hahaha =X atm my plan is to survive on ppls foood? HAHAHA JKZ lol =/ im gettin hungry >_< hahaha i shud be coooking and doing my hwk >_< but instead, as usual, i am sittin on my layzee aasss on msn and blogger =D haha *shamE* haha and listenin to music (hooobastank-the reason_ is on atm =D)

LOL i got a rando 27 year old wantin to add me on friendster waaAHHAhahaa wtF >_<

*time to coook* bRb =D

arghh i tink my blogger got fudgedd upp coz i was loookin at my blog site and i cant see my guestboook >_< grrrr.. wher isiT =( aww sighss... lol
newasie i havnt finished cookin yet ROFL .iwl BBS =D HAHha mmm spaspetti =D ^^

aiyahh i dun like schooool.. got soo much hwk liao and im still in holiday moood so i cant tink >_< *bleh* sighs..... hrm wel atm im watchn just shoot me haha >_< *it an ad atm rofl that is whuy i am here* ^^ hahaha

hrm newasie, to explain all my photos below this blog im postin here...
they are all ... random ones from ages agoo >__< wen we wer liddol still haha >_< my birthday heheh =D hrmm and the other pics ..as u can see *duH* are.. snowwww heheheheh
i cannt quite rember wut day it was wen it snowed in beijingg =) but it was soo pretty eys..>_<
twas the first time i saw snoww hehehe and i was soo hyped abt it and i tink the security guards are parktower thought i was a weirdo ..lol >_< *hides* hahah coz i was all high and running around downstairs playin wit snow and taking heaps of pics heheh !! *smiles*

hrmm leavin china was hard tho >__< hahaha i hid in the bathrooom for a period of time too loL *hides* hehehe so nowun wud see me cry..rofl.. but now u all kno that i cried X_x lol ahahha shiet* stoopid me lOL =P
hrmmmmm yarh i cried at the airport too ffs ~~ >_< i told myself not to and to be strong and shiet..and repeating "it will be okkk... iwl see them sooon... ooosahh" !! LOL jkz abt the oooooooooooooooosah part hahaha =Pp *feel teh pressure points* hahahahah if u all havnt watchd bad bois 2 yet...LOL u duno wut u are missn out!! hhahahah XP

hrmm nehoooz..hehe the ball is comin up in one month time >_< and oso kalvin and amys party/ball thingy >_< two balls at the same place, same time, lukily not the same fkn day >_< but two weeeks apart =X argh lol.. haha i feel sowee for charli and darr and themz coz they got their skul ball on the 18th and kals is on the 19th and worse of all it at the same place too >_< and argh Rofl i wud be peeeeeeeeed off heheh =D aiyah but on my ball date , 4th march, ther is a concert on at burswooood .. wit ja rule, chingy, 112, fabulous and a few moreee >_< and argh it n the same night *sobs* >__< but then i guess i dun tink i hav enof money roFl..imma poooor mofo lol =X zzzz....

tmr morning i gta get up earli to do some mornin exercising hahaha =X gotta go to my fwens house at 7 >_< so that meanz i gta be up bfo that ROFl *duH* >_< fk lol =/
hrmm bleh... cant think atmm >_<

oo yer.. happy 19th bday to err... mr fisherboat aka azavickz lol for tmrzz =)
time to do more hwk =D

latahzz alllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllll
xoxooxoxoxoox

- dream a dream .... Lol i duno the rest of the words to that ddr song..=/ hehhehe .. omgosh spore got ddr for 50c >_< ARgh blEH..cHeap..!! I MISS SINgPORe =(

2005-01-24T01:12:00.000+08:00

me n leonard -2002`oCt 30th- i missss uuuu *cries*

2005-01-18T16:17:00.000+08:00

me and my liddol bro =D heheh

2005-01-18T16:14:00.001+08:00

and my name agen =D

2005-01-18T16:14:00.000+08:00

heheh my nameee on the floor...>_<

2005-01-18T16:12:00.000+08:00

oops it a bit dark LOL this is from my balcony =) and hrmm can u see the lights downstairs? ROFL and the snow? HAHAHAH

2005-01-18T16:10:00.000+08:00

xMas tReee...

2005-01-18T16:09:00.000+08:00

view from my balcony =) soo pweddiiiful heheh

t R i b U t E

2005-01-18T15:58:00.000+08:00

sigh wel..time has been flyin soo fast lately...
it alwasie happens dun u reckon... near the end of the holidays..time seems to fly sooo fast, and then... just like that *clicks* ... holiday is over =( sighs >_<
but on the other hand..time seems to be goin reali slowly too..coz...
i was juz thinkn abt my fwen earlier..and i was like.. how long hav i known u?
and he replyed wit half a year >_< and i was like..oo yer ns..WOW >_< it seems like forver hahaha!! sighs ..
feels asif iv known him for at least a year + lol =) siiighs... time is unko ROFL
and im in an unko mode atm so loL mind me >_<

hrm newasie..today imma be juz stayin at home..probably online all day !! sighs..
o yer..if u all are on my friendster..read the bulleton i posted abt the boi goin blind...>__< hrmm wait iwl go get it and copy and paste hahahah

ALL COMPUTER USERS OUT THERE!! hahahah

Those of you who like to spend hours in front of
the computer read on - otherwise you may end up
like a student in Shangdong Province.

The retina of a 18 year old Chen detattached after
he had stayed up all night playin online games.
The pain hit at about 6am and shortly after he lost
his vision.
Lukily, his father rushed him to hospital and he
was operated on.
Chen's doctor said the retina detatched because of
the strain of being in front of a computer for such a
long time.
Chen says he will take more frequent breaks from
sitting in front of a computer in the future.

Let that be a lesson !

hahahah yer.. >_< arghhhh lol how does ur retina fall out tho? i still dun understan how that is possible LOL ! >_< siiiighs.. but isnt it the same as watchn tveee?? hahah coz..ur starin at ur tvee all day..that wud make ur eyes fall out too? hahahah
x_O i tink that guy got some weird eyes then >_< siiighs..poor guyy!!

hrmm other news...that tsunami disaster eyy 200,000 deaD >_< sighhs so sad!! natural disaster!! the worste in 2004!! >_< and it was on boxing day tooo >_< it happend wen i was on the plane to china !! sigh imagine sittin on the plane and not knowin wut is goin on underneath u >_< and so many ppl dying and loosin their luved ones >_< sighhs ...
ther are soo mnay tributes on tv for them >_< sigh..it soo sad adn sudden.. >_<

wel..it goes to show that u never know wut is gona happen tmr so u shud alwasie leave the ones u luv wit loving words =) *if tmr never comes-ronnan keating* sighs

*riP-all the tsunami victims of 26/12/04*

the same as yesterday .... and the day bfore that....

2005-01-14T04:08:00.000+08:00

*bleh wel this is the second time i am rittin this blog becaz my explorer died on me juz bfo after i wrote like 3 paras >_< sighhhhhs* o wels..here we go agen =)

hrmm as the title states..today is the same as yesterday and..the day bfore..rofl! come to think of it.. it been the same ever since i been in china heeh >_<
similarities are.. every night i am online at these weeeeeeee hours of the night... msn! >_< heheheh o but today is slightly different..coz..today my blogger is working!!! >_< AND IT BETTER STAY WORKING lol (just in case - copy page..rofl)ther we go.! hahaha

hrm wels..lately the laptop been actin up on me >_< coz the fan dieded and if u use the laptop for too long it will overheat and make reali louddd noises >_< like i mean.. reali loud! LOL and sometimes it juz gets louder and louderr until it sounds like it gona blow up..right in front of ur face!!!!!!! hahahah however, wuttevr it does..it doesnt shut up once it starts! >_< sighhs tonight i hav alredi been forced to turn of my comp durin convos abt 7 times? >_<" .. i hav to turn it off and wit for it to coool down a bit bfo i turn it on agen =( sighsss.. soo troublesum!!
so tonight...i thought of a new way to use the net wit this crapped up comp! lol =P but it involves playn wit ur health!! lol.. in this case...makn me sicker than i alredi am >_< hehe *sighs*
coz...atm.. i am sittin in front of my window..which has two screens.. *explains* - haha umm the first glass opens the window to a space and another glass window? rofl and that window opens up to..outside? hahaha >_< hrmm u see, the weather here in china in winter is not friendly!!! >_< its like...negative degreees all the time! hahaha >_<" and so the first glass window makes alot of difference!! hahaha >_<"

hrmm so my new pos right now is.... sittin right in front of my window..wit my first glass layer opend so that i can put my laptop into the space between the two windows! ROFl..are u all following? HAHAHAHA newasie the main points are..its reali cold sittin like this >_< and my laptop doesnt make any noise because it is bein cooled down by the outside air !! hahah =D smart? roFL =P

newasieee hahaah change sub noww...enof abt the window i tink =) for tonight..hahah
today i woke up at abt 11 >_< and hmmm watchd a movie called, mOnsteR!! charlize theron is initt!! but...she looks..soo..very ugly!! >_<" hahaha she is like..FULLLLY freklized!!! i mean like..seriously!! WTF!! O_o i didnt even realise it was her at the start, but the dvd cover sed she was in it..>_< so i was like.....wherrr?? i cant see no hot blondee! i onli see some...scrubby, freckld face, reali reali scrubby and eww fat blonde gurl..who looks like a guy! >_< hahahah the movie was abt this gurl adn her name was arelee or lol sumtink wit lee >_< yer and she was a stripper!! *is* yer and one day she meets a lesbian n falls in love !! ahhaha wel.. basically, a quick summary, lee and her gf (cant rember her name noww..bt she ws the casper gurl rofl..rmber her?? dark brown hair? hahaha) hmmm and she ran away from home to b wit her lesbo lee!! heheh hmm since lee was a stripper..many dangerous things happen! >_< such as the chance of gettin raped by a customer!! >_<
and that is wut happend to lee one night ! and so out of self defence...she shot the fagggot! rofl >_< and he dieded..and she took his money and his car! hrmm...
she decided one day that she wanted to quit...just like that! thinkn that she could get a job easily to support her and her gf! >_< but she was wronggg and was bak to hooking!! but after killin her customer who raped her...she was too afraid and ended up killin all her customerss!! >_< she was too paranoid abt bein raped agen! so she ends up killin em all ...
one day she kills a cop and her gf crashes a stolen car and they are seen by an elderly couple... >_< hrmm newasie the hunt begins and ther are sketches of lee and her gurl all over the news >_< the lil gurl *casper gurl* freaks out aand wants to go bak to her parents!! so she gets a ticket out of town bak home... but bein young and freaked out like a normal lil gurl would do....she told the cops wher lee was and lee was caught >_< in the end.. lee gets convicted for murderin all her customers and was sentenced to death! >_<
-- it was a pretyy unko movie if u ask me lol haha but..hrmm it ok too i guess but i still cant believ..charlize theron...lookd so....RANK!! seriously eyy LOL..goood make up artist hAHAH *thumbs up* -- =P

hahah wel.. did u all enjoi that long summary? ahhahaha..sowee this blog today is all juz...random mumblin.... >_<" [zzzz] me gettin sleeepy heheeh *sniffs* and im sick toooo!! =(

hmm wut else to write abt...*thinkz*--*attempts to think* O_O hrmm... ok sowee guys mental blank now !! >_< o wait..

some lil year 7 boi tryed to pick me up!! HAHAHAHAHAHAHHAAHHAHAHAHHAAH
omfg..HAHAHAHAHAH cont....
haha yer he is my bros fwen from skul..lol i was on his account earlier todays heheh >_< and he askd my bro for my no! LOLLL and LOLL >__< and so i didnt get to reply himss!! awww haahah o wels...iwl chat to him tmr =P hahahaahhahhahahah
but i hav a feelin that i will hav to break his liddol heart one dayyy >_< coz im not reali interested in bois younger than me..and for his case 4 years younger ROFL! and my brothers fwen AHAHAHAHAHA sowee alan >_<"
but if u got any sistahs who ish hrmm 12 this year and ish single and lookin LOL juz holla..iwl hoook yall up ROFL

newasie i best be goin now..rofl iv probably bored u all out to the extreme!! hahaha >_< soweeeeeeeees lol....

o btw HAPPY 18th BIRTHDAY KALVIN u HUMSup THING LOLLL >_< okok im done now =)

xoxoxoxoxo

holidayssss....

2005-01-10T00:49:00.001+08:00

im in china still!! and i havnt blogged in sooo long bcoz my net has been down and yayy now i finally get a chance so imma juz summarize everything that has been happening as fast as i can fo ya'll..rofl >_<
hehe wel.. china..hrmm i dun reali like this place! so i kinda made up my mind that i am going to go bak to perth to finish my final year =)
hrmm wut else has been happening.........
wel.............
kals party/ball is comming up and im soo hyped for taht! haha =D a fwen askd me to go wit him tooo *blushes* hahahah >_<" i tink i may be in lust agen..ROFL =X
hehe while im stuk in china i hav been plannin wut i wana do the very day i get bakk! hahah =P so far..hrmmm my fwen* is pikn me up from airport =D at like 6am!! hahah >__< and tehn at night it time to partyyyy hahah
gona stock up on movies here so i can go bak adn watch !! hehehha nd hav slumber parties? rofl
newasie..
i saw snowww!!! omgoshh it was soooooo nicee!!!
i came out of the gym and i lookd up and saw lil snow flakes!! hehehe adn i was soo highhh rofl. i was like..wooahh it snowing!!! and quickly ran upstairs to get my camera hahah!! and then ran bak downz afap and toook fotos heehhe it was sooo pretty!! and by abt 6pm it was nice and thick !! hehe adn me and my bro had lil snow fights and wrote out names in the snoww!! =D
the security guards wer lookin outside adn watchin us run aroun like crayzeee foools hehe =D but omgosh its like.. the first time u kno!! so u juz go high!! =)
it seriously was like..fallin in love agen !! lol i mena lke..the feeling..
was .. ..un-describable? lol >_< it was juz so pretyy!!
and eventho the weather was -10 degrreees... u just feel soo warm inside and it a nicee feeling =) heheh siighss i want to see snow agen =)
newasie imma go noww ..hehe msn time =)
happy new year everyone and rember to smile alwasie =) hehe
this years QuoTE:
"acTions spEak loUDer thAn woRds.."
STick TO it ppL! LOL hAHAH >_<
okok BYEbeyss xoXOxoox

holidayssss....

2005-01-10T00:49:00.000+08:00

2005-01-02T23:37:00.000+08:00

sbBs~~!! hahaha

2005-01-02T23:35:00.000+08:00

wEi fUong and mEliSsa ^^

2005-01-02T23:34:00.000+08:00

thE liDdol gUrlieEs hehe : saRah and tRish =D soOo kyoOooTE hehehe =D

2005-01-02T23:33:00.002+08:00

beLinda eaTing a .. cHip! Rofl =D mmMm hahaha

2005-01-02T23:33:00.001+08:00

beLz anD me >_< ... eww aT me =X

2005-01-02T23:33:00.000+08:00

skUl cRew (lol): evAa, sARah, jASminEe, miSH, raChael, cwiSwEener and mEe >_<

2005-01-02T23:32:00.000+08:00

raCH.. jAS.. sARah.. EvAa.. miSh.. lol

2005-01-02T23:31:00.000+08:00

kEviiin ..heheh

2005-01-02T23:30:00.000+08:00

kEvin n mEe >_< ewww roFl

2005-01-02T22:19:00.000+08:00

monkeyzz lolz >_<" umm i duno wtf they were doin up on that tree hahaha

2005-01-02T22:17:00.000+08:00

alvin, aDam and aDrian.. >_< umm i duno which is alvin and which is adrian...soo >_< soweee u guys lol =X oo tripL A hahahah

photos from my birthday

2005-01-02T21:58:00.000+08:00

hheheh wel.. these are photos from my bday as it says on the title.. heheh i only downloaded them today because i didnt have hello for a while and oso i didnt hav explorer rmbr..lolz >_<" newasie these are the pictures from my bday at ngiht wen we had karaoke at utopia =) heheh it was.. kinda fun i guess =Pp hrmm yarh pics of everyone.. i got many more..but..they look.. eww =X hahah so i better not put em on or iwl scare all u guys for life hhahahah >_<" ok wel enjoi them =) iwl post more noww .. these will be from earlier in the day wen we wer havn a BBQ =) heheh umm ther are not many pictures but yer.. hope they arent too ugli lol >_<" *smiles*
okok wel take cares and HAPPY NEW YEAR 2005 hehehe =D hope u all hav a great year filled wit prosperity and wealth !! rofl =Pp^^ hAHhaha goOoood luckz wit everything that u do and rmber..smile alwasie hahahah =D happy new year pplz =) hehe rockk onnn =P

2005-01-01T11:16:00.000+08:00

me and B

2005-01-01T11:15:00.000+08:00

kal and kEv

2004-12-31T04:51:00.001+08:00

fuZzy =P

2004-12-31T04:51:00.000+08:00

joHnson, jOhnAthan and GaRy

2004-12-31T03:22:00.000+08:00

kal and johnson =P

CHinA

2004-12-26T21:08:00.000+08:00

wel, today i reached china, beijing, at hrmm abt 2.30pm !! >_<' and omfg wen i got out of the airport u can soooo feel the coldness Lolz haHAHHA its -8 degreees atm >_< lolzz hrmm wel i saw my housee lolzz >_< and hrmm its nicee hehe adsl in my rooom! hela yeah! hahahah wel, its daymn icey here.. haha not snowing yet.. apparently it has been snowing but we juz missed it and it all icey nowwzz >_< aww wels.. heheh imma be here for another month so hopefully it will snow.. at least once .. or twicee.. hahah PLEASE!!! Lolz =X heheh newaise.. first of all..
merry christmas and happy boxing dayy to everyone this year heheheh ^_^ may the new year be filled wit heaps of love and joi for u all!!! hahahahahah lolzz
hrmm china..
erm.. coldness.. hrmm.. i duno wut to write atm >_< hahahha my head is a mental blank..errrmz hrmm.. yer...dotdotdot..
i write more another day wen i can think =)
bye for noww =)

shop shop shop.. die... pain in leg.. lolz.. this is what u call singapore..lol

2004-12-22T02:08:00.000+08:00

shop shop shop.. die... pain in leg.. lolz.. this is what u call singapore..lol

heheh.. wel this is my hrmm *counting* 10th day here in singapore hehehe =D the past 2 nights i have beeen sleepin at my cousins house in choa chu kang.. >_< i tink i spelt it right? hahah =X yarhh.. so hav been sleepin at abt 3-4am every night.. watchn movies then talking for hours hahaha then suddenly KO coz we cant take it nemore rofl =P

heheh newasie today im bak here at hazel park in bP =).. the past two days i been walkin walkin walkin like crayzeee rofl =X shop shop shop shop... hahah wel.. not reali... but more like.. walk walk walk... >_< hahahah
coz on hrmm monday wen i was out wit my cousin we watched love, so divine =D it a korean love/comedy!! hahah soooo cute i tell uu~! rofl >_<" awwwwwwwwww hahaha u hav to go watch!!! hheheheh ^_^hrmmm then we all toook fotoz and then walkd aroun hehehe and oso we bought a "lost and found" tshirt each heheheh =D kumakikaii styLz* hehhehehe =D

newasie blehh i better go. my mom gona cry mann lolz >_<' *chuk a huge ass sad* blehhhh nitenitess all and ..
pmK- milk makes u drunk!!! hAHAH :D so drink up =Pp..

xoXOx haha byEBye

singapore

2004-12-18T23:41:00.000+08:00

hehe wel.. im in spore =P lOL..
i arrived last saturday by myself >_< it was a last min decision coz we bought the last seat on friday afternoon =P .. last min packing..>_< crayzeeeeness LOlz haha wel the 3 days bfo saturday me been going out every night to bum aroun wit wong and the bois lol =X caryzeeness i tell yu! rofl >_< every ngiht for 3 days straight.. until abt 5am and not reali gettn much sleep AT ALL !! lolz =X arghh rofl >__<"
sighh newasie saturdya i arrived here and stayed at my uncles choons house! hrmm it was tiring the flight.. since i havnt been sleepin alot lOL =X and watchd two movies straight on the plane =P hahaha >_<" hrmm ... i cant think atm >_<
so i tink imma fly noww =P time for movieeess hehehe
byee all

THAnk Uu jASminE =)

2004-12-02T13:38:00.000+08:00

hahaha wel..first of all..id like to say a big thank u to jasmine leeeeeee hahahah =Pp im in the library now.. *garden citee lib* hahaha >__< bleh it wasnt a suprise to me..bleh o wels.... hrmmm..
i got an A for accountin tho =) hehe bleh but that piss easy so bleh no great achievment ther hahaha >_< sigh im stoopiD! hahahaha
newasie...
im at a diff lib now..rofl movin aroun from lib to lib..how sad =X sighz hahah
sigh im soo scrwed.. *bleh* i duno wut to do.. >__<
i tink imma hav to go skul tmr and hav a meetin wit the principle? =X aRGHH!! lolZz... sigh i heard that i can still sit the discrete exam even if i dun do the course? hrmm.. if i can.. then lol im up for it !! >_< coz i need my applic =( sighz im soo stoopid! sumtimes i wish i was a geeeeeeeeek~! Lol..then at leaST i can be smart and get the most out of life wen i am older =X righT? lollz

the plan now is.. if i stay here in perth.. i cant go to spore =X and blehh i been lookin forward to go fo the past 6 months mann!!! >_< i was supposed to go buy my ball dress for next year =( and meet up wit chris and danny, ccliaz and eugene toooo *cries* sighh and oso take fwens aroun and go clubbin wit my bumholz rofl =X sighhhhh i wana go homeeee *criesss*

aiyah.. i duno wut to do nemore..my head is a mess >__< but i cant coz im in the lib..hahahah x_O sighz
i wish i had a car and my licencee eyy so that wenever i feel like shiet i can drive out to sumwher quiet by my lonesum and juz sit ther >_< blehh forget abt everythin and juz peaacceee ouT!! haha bleh

newaise im off.. >_<

2004-11-25T01:13:00.000+08:00

I know that I shouldn’t be doing this to myself… but every time im left alone, I cant stop thinkn about yu…
Sitting here on my bed, looking up at my wall… reading my lot of poems that remind me of yu…
I know it’s been months now and I AM over you! Lol… but it’s just the little things that makes me smile, cry and miss being with u!

Yesterday would be 5 months if we were still together! >_< lol I rember little things ok!! O_o hehehe *sigh* 5 months has felt like forver..more like 1 year !! >_<” this half year has been a crayzee ride!! Some moments I will never forget, but some I wish never happened. I don’t regret getting to kno ‘him’, coz it was fun… while it lasted I guess =X and blEH! WHER IS MY TIME mACHINE!!! Lolzz >_<” if I had one and wasn’t allowed to change the future, I tink I would keep rewinding and replayn the times I spent alone with him.. those moments when the clocks seemed to stop ticking and nothing else in my miserable life mattered… as long as I had him x_O sigh~ yes maybe I must admit- I was slightly love sick! Hahaha x_X ..
But I guess, the past cannot be changed – whats done is done right?! –
“must move on, find someone new, he not worth ur tears, there are many more fishies out ther inda sea!!” lolzz.. yesss I heard u the first time ppl!! HAHAH >_<” im not that stoopid ok!! Hrmm I appreciate ur concern.. but its not that easy sometimes ok lolz…and it jus times like this..when im all by myself and the weather is like.. pretty much..perfect =) lol hrmm and yer probably at times when im boredz and feelin like blehhh >_<” yarhh* onli these times do I tink abt little things in life !

hrmm.. the past few nights I have been talkn to my fwens over msn abt this topic! And *randomz* >_< I sed… hrmm.. you know wut I miss sooo much atm?? (lolz) *sigh* kissin my ex !! loLZzz =X *sighz* he tasted like apple^^coz he loved his fruits and espeshially apples! =) and one night when he was over, he ate my apple lollies and I *muakzxd* him =P lolzz and he tasted like apple!! ^_^ hehehe and smelt like vanilla =D *sighz*
coz wen we wer together, we went shoppin once and we walkd into the body shop!! And he was being stoopid and smellin all the stuffs inda shop..hehe and we came across the vanilla section! And ther was this body mist that smelt like vanilla!! And omgosh it smelt sooooooooo gooooodz!!! Ahahaha >_<” it was soo sweet – “good enof to eat”!! *smiles* and I sprayed it on his neck =P and it smelt yummmiiii *big grin* hrmm newasie a few days later I bought a bottle for him..hrmm like.. just for fun kinda thingy =P heheh and everytime he came to see me he would always wear the vanilla ^^ *sigh* so now everytime is mell vanilla =D reminds me of him >_< *sighz* some of my fwens think I am crayzeee!!! Lolz… they askn me whuy im still holdin on when it jus makes me sad and oso after all the crap that he put me thru..!! =/ hrmm.. welzz…I know how much he has put me thruu *errhemm!! first hand experience here!! LOLZz* bleh! That boi broke my heart more than once!! x_O *sighz* but I guess I would rather be fwens wit him then never talk to him agen..hrmm soo.. – forgive and forget?! – I only keep the happy memories of me and him in my head and I onli think of these things at times like this!! Lolzz >_<”
sighhhh I miss havn a bf!! To hav someone ther for yu whenever u need a hug and kiss! Hahah >_<” siigh someone to talk to .. a shoulder to lean on when ur down !! =/ sigh…

“how do I say hello, when I just wana talk to uu…
how do I say you’re beautiful when I cant take my eyes off you!
I dun wana say anything, coz I juz wana impress you….” – usher, how do I say…

*sigh* its like, sometimes… instead of just a hello or a wave… I just wana walk up to him and hug and kiss him like I used to =X I miss those times soooo much!! Bleh *tears* sigh~~
I miss his cute, cheeeky-asss smile he would hav on his face after he kisses me *sighz*
I miss wwatchin him fall asleep coz lol he is sooooooo adorably cute when he is sleeeping!!! LOL *shush* Don’t gET anY iDEAaas!!!!! LOLll *sighz* >_<”
I miss all those goodnight kisses under the mooonlight… the nights when he tucked me into bed…
I miss huggin him coz he was nice and tall [190cm] =P *perfect fo mee I tell u!! lolzzz* coz when I hugged him my head would be near his shoulder and sighhh…I juz miss him…
*tear*

“Every time this day comes by
I find myself asking … whuy!?
Why did you have to leave me and break my heart?
Did you ever love me? Even at the start?

I wonder what I did wrong to loose you that day…
Because I miss you so much in every single way!
Like those long endless nights we touched…
Those moments I miss so much!
Your sweet and warm smile
That made me believe that all of life was worth while.

Every time this day passes by
I find myself with tears in my eyes
Coz I still miss you till this day
Hoping for a mirical that you will walk my way…” ~~[241104]

<>

loSt…bRain dEAd! =X liFe suKZ! >_<”

2004-11-16T01:11:00.000+08:00

Been living in this world for 16 years now… and soo many things I have learnt on my way…
Falling in love in july and getting my heart broken the very next minute.
Life is not as easy as spelt.
It is filled with soo much pain and sometimes, so much love…
Every corner I turn, I seem to find something blocking my way…
Blocking my way from thinking straight… and hurting me in every single way ..left, right and center.
They say that “all good things come to those who wait” sigh I duno wtf im talkin abt…
My head has just been soo very fukd lately…and its killing me!! >_<
Its not juz the boi..=/ however, as u all should kno..he played a very big part in mai major 2004 depression! Sighz >_<”

Sometimes I wish that I was never born! If I could choose to give someone else my life in exchange for me not being born..! lol I would gladly be honored! Lolz..that is if I knew all the crap that I was gona hav to put up wit !! sighz~~ but then.. we can never tell the future, and must take things as they come! =/ argh! Sigh… if onli ther was a time machine..so we could see the future and oso go back in time to make changes in our life!! =/ I kno im livin a dream, and oso as good as it may sound..it not that best thing to do! Lol =/ coz changing time would change the present!! And ther are some things in life that arent that bad I guess! Lol =/ hahaha sigh im juz talkin shiet! Sigh
My head is soo fukd and exams are coming up!!! I serioulsy duno wut to do nemore..=/
I cant study…. Its not like I havnt tried..it juz that I duno how and I reli cant concentrate! Sigh >_< this semesters exams seem to be creepin up faster than the last..and it feels asif ther isnt any time to study!! =/
ArgH… I don’t know wut to type..! I duno wut to say nemore..!! today I was out wit fwens and ..i duno.. some weird feelings just came over me and I stopped talking..for ..the rest of the day =/ sigh..
I duno wut the answer is to all the questions in my head.. I duno wut to do wit everything that is going on… everything around me seems to b going on soo fast, and I duno how to deal wit everything nemore…

*slow jammin atm* omgosh nice old school songs!! *cries* dont say goodbye-human nature! lolz
..sigh.. I wish I never turned 16!! It was one of the worse days of my life and I wish I forgot abt everything that night!! Sigh… evreythin that has happened after that day hav been super fukd I tell u!! I cant even explain how fukd it has been.. sigh.more painful than words can explain..sigh..
I duno wut to do nemore!!!!! >_____<” ther are soo many things in mai head…but I duno how to put it all in words…I duno how to say it..im juz feeling all this crap inside of mee… feeling all the pain that is pullin me down..
Btw I tink me being a scorpio has quite a lot of things to do wit how Im feeling, and how I act towards my feelings!! Coz I tell u ..scorpios..altho we are the best and most exotic in bed!! (LOL it was in a magazine!! LOL..all facts!! Im not makin netink up =P) haha wel..hrmm eventho we are the most sexiest =P we are also the most stubborn and jealous creatures ever!! Sigh >_<” hahaha im serious eyy! Lol I got examples and living proof lor! >_<”
Life sukz … siiiiiiiiiiiighhhhhhhhhhh
I tink by know everyone who reads this should know…
And yes I kno my blogs dun make sense… I dun even kno wut I typ.. im typing everything that come to my head..=/ hrmm if u think it confusing… lOL.try living my life..try to understan wut is going on in my head… !!! hrmm its soo much more confusing and fukd up! =X sighz~~ soo fukd that I duno how to explain it…ther seriouly are no words that can describe the pain that I go thru ..=S sighz

The other day..im soo stoopid!! I bought somthink from the body shop…. Something that reminds me of him…=/ sigh~~ I luv that smell..and it reminds me of him..but lol..i lOVE thAT SmELL!!! Lolz >_< hrmmm bleh* stoopid me!! Haha keep on hurtin myself..!! sigh.. but oso, that day I got a pink helium balloon..and I sed to myslef…
That I was gona let go of the balloon wen I get back home and write sum stuff on it and once I let it go..imma let all the crap I wrote the balloon go tooo!! Soo I wrote my random thoughts and watched my balloon fly away!! >_< in an…indirect wayy..lol I was lettin go of things..sigh … letting go of some of the burdens that m heart held … =/ tryin to let go of the past and move on with life..!! =X sighhhhhhhhh~~~
I like to talk crap don’t I? Rofl..soweeeee >_<” I duno netink now adayz…

The life of a fuked up dreamer, who thinks wayy too much..wasting her time dreamin abt a life that she will never ever have… a happiness that she will never ever find and a love that does not exist!!!!
Lol..hrm not reali abt the love part..lol but it juz sounded kool >_<” stil…I wouldn’t mind to hav somoene to call my own..someone to hold and hug at night agen..sigh..>_< uoyssimi!! >_< arghhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh blehhhhhhhh *cries*
Omgosh soo many nice songs tonight >_< siiiighhh
*reminiscing* bleh..sighh…

<>

There are times in life when it feels like everyone around you doesn’t know that u exist.
When u are left wit all the pain and troubles, with no one to lend a helping hand.
Why does life have to be so hard, so painful…

i hate my life

2004-11-15T23:04:00.000+08:00

omFg..!! my explorer decided to work...*tears of joy* i havnt ritten here in sooooo long!! i miss u sooo much blogger!! lolz *sighz*
wel.. exams are coming up slowly..... 3 more dayz and i got two on thursday then IC on the following day..>_< sighz* it starting to sink in now!! sighz....
newaise...time to update haha >_<
omfg..and now wen i get this net going ...my fukn mother kikn me offline!! im serioulsy gona cry now =/ argh >_< sighh
my life sukz and i hate it very much..sumtimes i wish i fukn slept and never woke up inda mroning..>_<..sigh
iwl cont. this later >_<

year is ending....

2004-11-05T09:30:00.000+08:00

it may only be the 5th of novemeber..but the year is ending..FaSt! >_< exams are comin up in 1 week...and school finishes for me on the 24th nov. >_< onli 19 more days...!!! argh...=/ sighh...
durin this time i have soo many decisions to make, and i have to sort myself out big time!
i have made a point to myself, to start new... start fresh!! and hav a new start next year... !! to put everything behind in 2004..and ..yer.. strat agen? hehe =)
but then ..hrmm things are easier sed then done..
end of year... im hoping to go to spore so i can meet up wit them sporean bumz hehe *missn u all* ^_^ yarh and get my ball dress for next year! rofl =D
thats if i am coming back next year...........
sigh*i might hav to go overseas wit my daddy >_< sighz i duno wut i want!!!
coz i mean, to start new..china would be the best place to go!!!..to start new..and get away from all the crap here!! but then agen... sigh..
china is very far away, and is a very new place for me..>_< and i got ssoo many fwens back here adn i duno how im goign to leave themz all =/ *sobz*
it will be daymn painful..altho i am comin back in 1.5 years time..>_< STILL!!! lolz
it will be hard... iwl be cryign alot! lolz >_< and feeling even more lonely than i alreadi am..>_< sighz*

newasie, besides that..hrmm.. HAPPY 20th BDAy to WEi-lianG for todayy =) hope u hav a WAYYYY better bday than i did this year >_< sigh* iwl seee u on saturday for ur "luncheon" hahaha >_< ARGH im going to be a loner therE!! hrmm but im used to it?
alwasie being ditched and rejected? i got alot of that on MY BDAY! =( sighz*

aiyahhhhhh~~ bleh* life if fukn full of motherfukn fukd up shiet!!! ^copyright of J_s^ heheheh =P p/jk =)
sighh.....

i onli got 3 mins left of class then i wont be on till monday >_< coz i still got no explorer =( *cries* so iwl giv u a brief summary of wut i will be doing this w/e! lolz
hrmm tonight im going to jennies house to do EngliSH assignemtn! rofl.. >_<
hrmm saturday is alex's bday thingy heheh..yer so hrmm ther i will be ..!!!
sunday.. study study study..i tink me is goin to murdoch college lib. hehe^^
yarh newasie i best be off now...

hugz* take cares all

Quote today:
" We make a living by what we get, but we make a life by what we give...."
Norman MacEwan

emptiness....again.... lolx

2004-11-02T15:09:00.000+08:00

*sigh* wel..everyday seems to be the same.. >_<"
every night wen im alone..im alwasie left there thinkn of him..... sigh* i know i sed that i waas over him... but he is alwaise in my heart..but ...argh.... sigh* i duno nemore..=/
i know that he isnt worf it... coz of all the pain that he has put me thru... *tears* but i duno whuy i still let myself tear for him.. how come i let myself hold on to him...
i still hoping that one day..maybe... we could be agen.. >_<" they say that ur first is hard to let go..and fukn hel..its so truu.. but hrmm he wasnt even that .. i mean, we werent that serioulsy commited.. wel, if one side is and the other isnt.. it juz dun work..>_< so hrmm yah >_< we were juz a short thing..... which felt like ...a very long time.. and as the days, weeks and months past.. i feel more and more lonely adn empty... =/ sighZZz* last ngiht i was lyin ther alone..trying to do my hwk....but all i could think abt was him.. i duno whuy i let myself do it...i think i juz cant help it >___<" ther are soo many things that remind me of him.. soo many things in my room... my toys, my bed (sumtimes), juz lookin around at certain places in my room.. remembering wut we did..when adn where =/ *tears*
i alwasie find myself in tears, lyin in bed..missing him... sigh* songs remind me of him...-, argh* it makin me go crayzee i tell u! lolz.. >_< but i kno!! that i MUST get over him..>_< but i cant find it in myself to let him go completely... =/ *sighz*
they say that time heals wounds.... hrmm.. time... it has been soo long now... >_<
today i was looking at my school diary and fillin out my exam times.. and one of my exams are on the 24th of november... 24th!! hrmm sigh...that made me think agen.. coz on that day it would hav been 5 months....>_< it been soo long..... i mean, we could hav been soo long..>_< time has been flying soo fast ! and it not helping me at all =/ im still stuk on him....and im still alone.... argh* this stoopid bf and gf thing..! argh* *sobz*
sigh~ i kno i dun hav a chance wit him nemore.. i blew it wit that stoopid sms.. >_< i cant believe i did that eyy.. sighz* i alwasie think abt that..and wonder wut it would be like if i never sent it..and if i were still wit him....
at nights i wouldnt be alone.. at nights iwl hav him to hold me tight..and i wouldnt be tearing... >__< hrmm i thought to myself.... and wondered how it is possible that juz ONe person could make me feel soo great, so speshial, like i was on top of the world..then the next moment making me feel like nothing, like wanting to die and not breath again.. juz one person.. shattering my heart into millions of pieces and juz leavin me ther to die alone in the cold... >_< these millions of pieces.. hurts soo much to put back together..and i dun tink that not even half are picked up...
they say that a break up is like a broken mirror.. it is better to be left alone then hurting urself to pick it back up... >_<" sighz*
i cant follow these sayings..rofl..they juz dun work... >_<" wel..not for me! ahaha
i tink that the onli way i can get rid of him is if i find sumwun else...but then that is not right..i mean, it wont be fair for the new guy..but then agen..hrmm maybe if i find sumwun else who is interested in me ten... i would be able to completely move on.. >_<"
argh i duno wut im talkn abt.. im juz mubbling on and on..and i tink im being relli repetative..and i cant spell too!! lolz >_<" sighz*~~
..........sigh............
i told myself that after the end of year holidays im goin to start new.. >_< sigh bleh ..wel ..hrmm yarh we will see wut happens....
newasie im going now..end of school....
i got after school studyies too :( sobz*
okok BYEbyebyebyebeyb

siif sweet sixteen... sigh*

2004-11-01T00:07:00.000+08:00

saturday was my bday and it was a ... argh a reali reali bad dayy!! a day that i will never forget for all the wrong reasons...
first of all i woukld like to say a big THANK YOU! to all u city bumz!! iwl list all ur names too..rofl..coz omgosh i duno wut i would hav done witout u guys!!! >_<"
Gary, AzA, niCk, joEleE, fuZzy, bUrnEt...hRmm n eVeryOne elSe who hElpd..lol i was tooo dead to rember..>_< but yErr..ThANK U soOo mUCh u GUySs!!!!
secoNdly i would alsO like to say sOrry to all u boiS..>_< and eSpeShiallY NICK and GaRY, anD fuZz tooo!! coZz hRMm sorry for yAkking in ur sHOp niCk and tHankz n soWeE for makN u tWo clEan it Up! >_< hrM thankZ azAa foR lEndin mE a shoUlder... jOEl anD fuzz foR clEaning mE up..anD burnEtt foR kinDA lookin aFTer tiNA eventHo u weR ofF ur face tooo!! lolz =P
okok.. now i will tell u abt my... sigh dodgy bday experience !!

wel...hrmm nothign went to plan.. hrm not many ppl showed up to the BBQ.. but hrm besides that it was ok~~ hrm i got chased around by ...lol everyone wit.. water bombs and water bottles...and esky!! rofl..>_< yarh lotsa running! hehehe and i oso go dragged abt 20m into a lake...... =/ but i didnt get thrown in lukily!! and sowee for flashin everyone..if i did?! hahaahah *gRrr @ kEvin* lOlz.. jkz =D

hrm after that was pretty dodgy coz hrmm SOMEonE didnt keep his promise and belz, tina and me ended up walkn to the nearest bus-stop ( abt 30 minz away ) carrying a fukn esky around!!! arghh painfully tiring !!! >_< *sobz* hrm yer that got on my nerves, coz hrmm we got ditched..by soo manyy ppl =/ sigh* all on my bday >_<"
BUT WaiT THERs MORE !!! =X

during the bus trip to nb..i was opening up my bday cards and then i got tto a yellow envelope... given to my by wei wei..=/ hrmm that made me cry ...ALOT...coz sigh for no reason he wanted to end our friendship..after soo manyy years and all the shiet we been thru..>_< for no reason, thru a card ON MY BDAYY!! cOMEeon!!! FFS!!
sigh* that got to me..and i started cryin in the bus..then later i showd weener and she comforting me.. *ThaNKz SbbS* hrmm sigh* then later we arrived at nb.....
i went to find the ex to borrow his car but he was a being a dickhead and didnt let me use it, even wen he sed that i could the other day >_< sobz* that hurt me too and got me to finally get over him..lol *abt time serene?* sigh =/
i kno iwl never forget him tho coz he was my first for a few things...so yeh..sigh
][loSt in my mEmoriess....but i still miss him.. after all the pain and hurt that he put me thruu.... uOySsiMi...][
sighZz -_- sigh newaise being all emotionally fuikd alreadi... i cried even more wen my fwen from spore called...>< coz it was i tink hrm 6pm and i thought he forgot it was my bday..and so wen he called..i cryed!! haha >_< sigh* but this was tears of happiness so yer haha ^^ but then i was at gelares and *tearing* rofl.... and kal, kev, fuz, joel, n viv came along and they thought i was crying coz of my ex..=/ sigh* i told them it wasnt juz hiM... wel i tried to..lol kinda choked coz i was crying..sigh* o wels...
newasie after that...karaoke! =D it was funnnn..until i walked down those utopia stairs!! OMGOSH that made me sick!!! >_< coz i had hrmm 12 shots alreadi and so i was all happy and tipsy and i dun tink the effekt hit me yet..>_< yarh heheheeh and i kinda err..yerr leaned on aza alot in Co and i rember sittin aroun on the floor and i yaked in CO!! omgosh soo sowee! lolz >_< wel at least i wasnt as bad as my SBBS! after 3 shots..in abt 15 mins..she was gone! lolz >_< and she yaked err 6 tiems !! pooor gal!! hope u feelin better sbbs! =)

yah it was fun tho..the karaoke and sining and watchn tina drunk! rofl >_< hahahah sigh* GRr they never stopped me from drinkn!! lolz..had wayy too much ...and i was depressed too so bleh* soo fukd!!! hrm got home at like 12 too >_< oopz..mother !~! hahahaha yarhh.. and then sunday mornin... HANGOverRr!!! LOlz..>_<" sighzz*
and then at night i was onda fone wit my fwen adn talkn abt months back and reminicsing.. sigh* i wont ever forget that bum!!! lolz >_<" ~*first kiss*~ and first proper boi..sighhh >_< arghhh i hate him for wut he did yeserday....but still miss him and like..inside my heart he has carved his name in eyy..fukn hurt like a biatch and i cant get rid of him no matter how hard i try! sigh* hrmm was i in love? rofl bleh im over him ^___^ after the exams im plannin on starting new..fresH* so forget everying..leave 2004 behind..and do my best wit nothign in my head in 2005 =) hopefully it will work ouT.. >_<" sighz*
newasie i better be off now...still in class >_< explorer at home dun work! sigh!
ummm here is a bday shoutout list to all my ocotober baybies!! hehe *hugz*
hAppy bday to.....
jasmine, amanda i, deb, tegan, peter, sarah, wongsta, vivian, charli, wai yan, amanda leeee, courtney, fuzzy, kevin, han, elaine, danny, daddy!, brianz, myself? lol, umm.. happy anniversary to my parents, umm, happy bday to williamz gf! rofl..>_< and hrmm HAPPy bdAy to my biatCH : suE-li hoNG , and lYNna for TOdayz! =)
*i hope that u all had a beter bday then i did* sighz* keep it rockingz pplz..
o and happy 3 month to suE and teO! hahaha *miss ya pOoo* ^_^

oKOk.. wel go find me a bf and a magic potion to help me pass my exams!! o as well as wings..so i can fly away from all of my problems!! sigh >_<
thank u all for puttin up wit me..and espesh thaankz agen to all the bois that looked after me on saturday night !! ^^

biABiazz~~ ^-^

ONE moRE dayyY!! lolZ

2004-10-29T09:08:00.000+08:00

yeserday was daymn good for me..lolz..><" i got away from school and in the same time left all my problems behind !! sigh* it kinda still around but not as much as bfo ..so hopefully it will stay away until after my bday =) hehehe one more day >_<
im in class right now..>_<"
yer today the weather is daymn nice hahah... it kinda cold adn windy tho,...and it was drizzeling!! lolz...but it was nice =)
hopefully tmr is nice too..but not this cOld..rofl >_<"

yayy im excited for tmr.!! hehe im planning to hav BBQ at kings park then later going to hav some dinner while karaoke! hahahah =P yayyy!! i reali hope everything goes to plann!! hehe ^____^ *smiles*

newasie i tink i better go..i got assembly now ...>< argh soo boring!!! bleh* lolz okok

HAPPY BDAY:
AMaNda, WAi yAn, martiN, cHARLi, wOng goR, dAnnY, elAine, DADdy!!! =D hehehe
BYEBYEeeeeeeeeeeeeee

nothing going my wayy... sigh

2004-10-27T11:58:00.000+08:00

sigh..wel the past two days have been reali reali fukddd upp! :( sigh*
nothing seems to be going my way at all..><" wel it not like it ever is..but heyy.. sigh* these few dayzx been ...omgosh soo crap! i been in mai depressing mood agen =/ *tears* i got rejected ... alot these dayz..>__< wut kinda fukn answer is that >_< *siiighs* if he dun want cant he juz say no? bleh..>< whuy is he doin this to me..alwaise leaving me hanging ther... not knowing wut to do and juz feeling like shiet..=/ sighh... i hate my life..

these few dayz man..i juz wished i had never woken up! i wish that i had slept forever in my dreams..coz ...omgosh it is soo mush sweeter in my dreamz..>__< it the easi way out lah..o.O~~ but then agen..im not that stoopid or even daring enof to kill myself... =/ so dun worry .. if i die it be of natural cause!! LOLZ.. maybe stress? haha heart ache? pain? broken heart? ... yarhh

i duno wut to do anytmore.. i duno how i feel anymore? =/ sigh.. it not all bcoz of him.. >_< lolz that would juz be reali stoopid of me..coz it been... 2 months ..tmr..=/ sigh* craP! i am lame! >.<" sigh~~ hrmm but yer.. alot is still to do wit him.. i miss him ..alot.. !! it is kinda like an n and off kinda feeling..>_< coz sumtimes i feel like i can move on and forget abt u.. but then.. at other times..i juz feel soo lost and empty witout u..!! and espsh it my bday coming up..>_< manyy pPl kno wut mai bday wish this year is..=/ sigh* if onli my wish came truuu!! but then... SIFF* it will =/ nothing comes tru for me... siigh..if onlee...

yer the other day was reali reali fukd~~ i seriously meann.. NOTHING was going my wayyy!!! and nothing still is.. on tuesday.. i broke 2 pens!! and i got rejected..more than once..and by more than one person..=/ sigh* ppl were getin on my nerves.. and i juz lost it soo mnay times..!! hrmm i tink i teared like fukn 5 times that dayy >_< o yer .. my explorer decided to fuk up on me.. and so now i dun hav a browser...=/ which is reali reali scrwedddd.... sigh* and hrmm yer...><
yeserday.. wednesday* hrmm... rejected agen... i duno.. i was juz feeling reali... lifeless and empty..=/ i couldnt concentrate at school and yer ..juz blankedd [o.O]
and now todayy..i lost lke half of my presentation for my class talk which juz happend..=/ FUKn hELl .. arghh... sObz* i hate this soo much!!

and.. saturday is my bday..and my party..and im seriously in no mooood watso everrr to celebrate!! >_< if onli i still had him... to spend my bday time wit ... sigh*
arghhhhhhh i juz feel like screaming.. slaming my rooom door shut.. listening to music.. lyin in bed and cryy... i duno how much i can take .... fuk im nearli tearing and im in the middle of class!! >__<" *holds back tears*
sigh~~ i dunooo wut to do.. i duno wut i am thinkn nemore...
the pain inside of me is killing me and eating me up slowly..burning awayy.. i duno wut to do....
i dun want anyone to worry abt me..but i tink im becoming transparent.. =/ sigh* bleh* fuK fuK fuK fuKk fUKkkk.. ='(

newasie.. HAPpY 19th birtHDay woNG goR!! *for yesterday* i wish that ur life goes much sweeter than mine.. !!

CoLd stOrmy niGhtsZ

2004-10-26T10:09:00.000+08:00

Its been nearly two months since u left me here…
These long nights, all alone and cold.
It has felt as if something was missing…
Something inside of my soul has been stolen and never returned
The emptiness inside starts to burn up within
The pain I feel, too much to explain
Too painful to bare…
The images of us as I close my eyes…
The thoughts of what we should and could be now
I feel a sharp pain stabbing into my heart
And then the feeling of heaviness flows through my body
It feels as if my heart had just been torn apart
And then sunk like a boat in an ocean of tears
My heart has been through a lot, the pain and the tears
It has tried to stay strong over these years.
But it cant take it anymore, my whole body starts feeling weak
There’s no love to pick me up
Nothing to mend my broken heart.
No one is here to keep me strong, to give me the warmth that their heart can offer…
I feel so alone without u by my side
It feels so …weird, and I everywhere I go I feel cold
Coz u arent here to hold me during the cold stormy nights
You aren’t here to kiss me and hug me when I’m sad
I used to be able to call you and you’d come right away
I used to be able to turn around and kiss you whenever I felt like
But now I cant…
Now when we meet, it is just a simple hello
Maybe if I’m lucky a hug…
Sigh*
This pain is killing me deep down inside
It hurts so much, more than words can describe
I should be over you, coz time has passed
and supposed to heal wounds?
Sigh* but I don’t know why I am still hooked on u?
Im lying in bed now with a tear falling down my face
It is cold and wet outside, the lighting and thunder strikes
I wish that u were here with me to keep me warm
To hold me in the dark as I fall asleep in your arms
I miss that cute face as you fall asleep
I miss the times you kissed me and tucked me into bed
The nights that felt like forever, it felt like time had stopped
The feeling we had when we lay together in bed
The touch of your lips sealed on mine…
I still remember those sweet kisses, tasting like apple 
The smell of your neck every time I hugged u… vanilla ~
Your cute smile I wont ever forget
And the never ending hugs … sigh*
Tears roll down my cheek as I think of you
I cant believe how much I have fallen for you
I don’t know what im feeling, love or lust?
I don’t know how love feels so I duno if I have felt it
But friends tell me I was once in love
With a beautiful stranger by the name of you
I wish I could turn back time and I’m sure I wont make the same mistake
If only you….
Loved me too…
I miss you!!

<>

2004-10-25T00:11:00.000+08:00

this is juz a lil questionare thingy that they were sending aroun in tickle/ringo.. wuttever u wana call it..>_< yarh and im bored in class coz no more msn allowed :( criesss* haha >_< yah so here we gooooo..^^

1) Single or taken: single... >_<
2) Your Age: 16..soOon..on saturday!! ehehehe
3) Birthday: 30/10/88 << same as elAinee Rofl!!
4) Best Buds: noO favZ But hRmm mAi bUmz bEe.. joEleEe, fUzZy, kEbinz, wEi wEii, kEvIin, mAi jAck!!^^, my liL biaTCh-pOo-li!!, sChOol buMZ, alVioLi, cHriSs.. anD yErr aLl thE bUmz i ..buMm arOUnd wiTz hehe ^^
6) Hair colour: hRmm aTm iSh kinda blAck, bRown anD liL bloNde!! WwoOoooT!!
7) Eye colour: daRk broWn
8) Shoe size: 8, 8.5, 9... dEpenDinGzz
9) Full name: sErenE rUi zhEn cHo ^^
~* R e l a t i o n s h i p s *~*

1) Who are your friends? hRmm PpLz hU tReat me anD think oF me aS thEir fweN! hehe >_< wel..moSt at leasT =/ Lolzz^^
2) Do you have a boyfriend/girlfriend? waSnt that the 1sT q? lolz..>_< onCe agen..NOO :( noW leave me aloNEee!!!

-;-*F a s h i o n S t u f f *-;-*

1) Where is your favourite place to shop: aSia!! =) thE bEst pLAce eveR to sHOp! haha if Not THen eRr no fAv. juz newHEr wiT nice cloThes and sTuffzz !! lolXx

2) Any tattoos or piercings and if so how many? mY eArs piErced! lol..anD hrmMm i woUldnt mind gEttn a taTtoO..buT thEn..>_< pain?! hahAhz n nOT noW newaisEee

*-;-* T h e E x t r a S t u f f *-;-*

1) Have you ever done drugs? hahah Err...no noT iLlegal dRugz!? i Tink ! =P
2) What kind of shampoo do you use: pAntEne prO v =D
3) What are you most scared of: coCkroAchEs!! anD sliThery mOoviee thINgzz.. iE. lizaRds and snaKEss!!! ..wen mE ish gardenIng i alWaise wear gloVes and then ther iS alwaiSe a liZard thaT deCideS to scaRe the shiEt out oF me !! anD afTer i sEe iT i uSUally piSs mysELf coz iT ranDomly poPs up and no moRe garDeninG foR mee!! lOLz =P
5) What car do you wish to have: hRmm s2000 oR a preLudEe!! =P iMm ova mAi m250!! lonGg agoOOoo..lolz
6) Who was the last person that called you: eRrmz... maRtinz i tink? =/
7) Where do you want to get married? hRmm ouTdooOr suMwher..likE a niCe garDen oR suMtinkZz?! ^_^

*^FAVOURITES!^*

1) Color: blU, bLAck anD hRmm pInk-rEd =D
2) Foods: lOlz neaRli evErythiNG!! haha CHocoLAte!! mMmm.. hRMm jaP, itAliAn, cHInky, ..... mMm foOoood is goOoood!! ROFL
3) Boy's names: haha Err..duNOoo
4) Girls names: NO idEAAz..
5) Subjects in school: uMmm... aCcounTIng woUld be iT coz i dOin goOd in iT and i undErstanD iT..LOLZ
6) Animal: pOlare bEars and hRmm whITe tigerZz!! ^_^ oO cuTe liL penGuins are kOoLz toO!! rofl...O ..Sun bEaRs!! omgoSHh soo cuTE hahaha :D
7) marine animalz: dOlphiNzz!!
8) Music: ErrR like wayy toOo manyY!! hrmm sloW rnB kikS asSs!! hIp hOP is GooOd.. uMmm tEcHno/danCe/traNCe aLl gOood ... hRmm all muSic is goOod..at diFFernt timEzz =)
9) Phrase: ?? lOLz..duNOo?

*-;-* have you eva......*-;-*

1) Given anyone a bath: ErRr...Nooo
2) Bungee jumped: noPE! buT onE day i Will =D
3) Broken the law: hAHha yErr..Who hAsnT? roFL
4) Made yourself throw-up: NOO! lOlz
5) Gone skinny-dippin: Er..No..
6) Ever been in love: i dunO? mai fwENs seD i was..buT i dunoo =/ siGH* if it Was ..iT bE a loSt loVE neHooz >_<

-* F i n a l Q u e s t i o N s *-;-

1) Pizza or chocolate: CHOCoLATEEe!!
2)How many people are you sending this to? hRM im doiNG thiS on mai bloG! loLZ
3) Who will send it back: hRMm ..lOLz
4) Gold or Silver: silver..
5) What is the last film you saw at the cinemas? cinEmaZ? ROFL i dun hav a cLUee!! i USually waTch fROm dVdzz nOW aDayz !! >________<

oo there we go! hehe that wasnt that long..>_< yerPpz... hrmmm blEH*

atm i am in digital media..and for some reason i cant view my blogpage =/ ppl go chek for me!! and if it not wokring..TELL MEE!! then HELPP MEE !! lolzzz
nothign seem to be working for me todayyz..>__< whuyyy?? they sed they all didnt exist!! but they doOOO!!! or maybe..they dun want any contact wit me!! rofl and blocked my emails :( sighh* imm sucha reject!!!
yer coz juz found out today that a few ppl wont be showing up to mai bBQ =( soBz* rofl.. or wells..>_< hrmm yerh coz coUrtz got herself a joB! woOOT!! hahah that is excusable!! however, some got some pretty dodgy excuses!! lolz >_< blehh hu caress!! =/ iwl hav a party by myself!! lolz >_< see if i care!! LOL >_< blEH* no commenT hahahha
hrmm mai blogs becoming pretty long now addayz hor? rofl.. the one last night was like...oooo wtf/?? rofl..sigh* i was typing it while waiting for mai mom to get off the fone!! hehe >_<" siiighh* i got no more tvee in mai rooom!! soBZz* not fair !! i missed captain cruerli's mandolin..lol i cant spell the captains name!! rofl..>__< kinda excited i gues? haha but then hrmm yarhh bleh* i got an image in ami head of wut i wish will turn out!! but then bleh as u all should kno...wel at least from my experiences!!..DREAMS DoNT COME TrUUE!!! so iwl prob get mai hopes up and then it get shattered!! >_<
"my shattered dreams and broken heart, are mending on the shelf..." - brian mcknight!
^_________________^ sigh..wtf..whuy that face..? hahaha more like
>_________________< yahh *frog faces! =/ bleh*
newasie class is ending soon so im goin to go now..time for english wit that biatch porn star wana be teacherr!! eewww =/ sigh*
goooodbuiaz all =)

sigh..

2004-10-24T22:40:00.000+08:00

Hiii~ sigh.. I have written a few blogs here but I never end up publishing them coz they are incomplete and it was too late at night so they probably didn’t make any sense..>_<
Hrm newiaSe.. a reply to my “I miss him” blog..hahah hrmm yess I tink u all get the point abt how I feel for him still..sigh.. its been hrm nearli 2 months hrmm..on Thursday to be exact..=/ lol im not counting!! Hahah I juz know this ok..hrm its us gals, we juz know detail..rofl =) yarhhz..
Hrm today….would be our 4th month together if we were still together..sigh..>_< time has passed by soo fast…it doesn’t seem like 4 months… =/ it has felt as if I hav known him for everrr but in the same time..it felt as if it was only yesertday wen he askd me out..=/ sigh*
I think wayy too much for my own good. I get my hopes up and then they come falling down soo fast!! Sometimes so fast that I didn’t know wut hit me …sigh*
The other night, the stormy one…=/ errHhh blehh..sigh… that night made me think of him soo much and miss him more… coz I coulnt sleep and I didn’t log online that night.. hrmm I duno..it feels weird, like somethink is missing…wen I don’t talk to him…coz we used to talk..or hav some kind of communication every day… hrm even after we broke up…=/ yer..and so not havn any contact wit him.. felt empty..=/ yer newasie I rember lying in bed… trying soo hard to get to sleep !!… but I seriously couldn’t.. I was listening to the storm and watchn the lightning hit …sighh I turned on the radio and then they were on abt how they wished that they were at home with their bf/gfs huggin and holding them tight in bed… sigh *every gals dream* to have their bfs hold them tight on a cold stormy night.. and falling asleep in their arms.. feeling safe and …loved… wishing that the night never ended bcoz u were wit him…=/ sighhh* *tears* lol…sighh..>_<
That made me miss him too much..coz I was lying alone in bed … listnieng to them say that craP!! Argh.. and then the requests and shout outs all made out to pplz bf/gfs… sigh* my life …can it et any harder on me? =/ sigh*
I was up for 2.5 hours bfo I finally got my ass to sleep.. !! I was holding mai “uoyssimi” lion all night.. lol (like I usually do after my polar was replaced) >_< yarhh..sigh it reminds me of him and memories that we shared…right in the very spot I go to sleep in =/ siigh* iwl keep them memories to myself I tink!! Hehe =P wut happens in mai rooom… stays in mai room ^^ =) ehehe
I msgd him at like 1.30am….but I tink he was sleeping..or juz ignoring my sms..=/ sigh..wutaa snoooooooB! Lolz >_< yer he knows he is one!!! PFFTT..sigh*
Newasie enof abt that day…

Today I went to the Sunday market… bleh* its now been hrmm 34 hours since I havn slept!! Lolz >_< coz last night I was online and watchin mai korean serial … and I decided that I cbfd sleeping..rofl coz I had to go to the markets at abt 6am newasie..=/ sooo fukn earli* blehhhhhhhhhh
Yer sigh so hrm I stayed up all night, watchn serial since ..hrm most ppl went to bed!! Hahah I tink the last person I talked to was jasmine =P~~ asians are a v nocturnal race!! Rofl…>_< im serious eyy!! I tink it is the busy life in asia, coz at night time..that is the time wher everyone is up and about… even the transport systems are all filled still.. and hawkers open at night .. so inda middle of the night when ua re starvin ur ass off u can juz walk downstairs and walk abit and find a hawkerrr still up and cookingg sum kik ass foooood =D mmmm hehehe =P sigh I miss spore…. I cant wait to go bak this yearrr yayy!!! =D *smiles*

Hrm yarh newasie..lolz… I turned off mai serials at abt 5.20am…then I tink I dozed off a bit..haha then not long later I had ppl smashin on mai door tellin me to get mai ass up!! >_< rofl..sighh soo tiring!!!
The Sunday market was soo daymn hot I tell u…fukn standing out ther inda sun from 7am – 3pm!!! FUKKKKk lolz >_____< it was the first time in a year since I been ther..hehe hrmmm it still pretty much the same..excpet the mobile shopz all seem to be disappearing =”(… coz I was going around tryna find some kool stuff fo mai mobile..which I finally got workign agen!! Ahhaha.. throw it around a bit..till it finally turns on!! Rofl.. >_< *thankz joel* hahahah =D

Hrm yarhh..boring boring boring..and daymnnn tiring… and HOT!! >_< soo much shiet we brought ther tooo!! And we had to load it onto the trailer inda morning, then take it all out at the markets … then at the end of the day we had to friggn load it all back in!!! THENN.. wen we got home had to fukn take it all out agen!! FFS mann >_____< how much shiet to doooo!! And mai mom didn’t know that I didn’t get any sleep the other night..=./ sigh yer it is my fault..but blehh!!! Rofl.. it not a good site when a chic hu didn’t get any sleep is gettiin pissed off!! Lolz..everything seems to get on mai nerves!! Haha coz I didn’t get any fukn sleeeeeep!! ARGHHH..roFL.. sigh newasie hrm had KFC for lunch? Rofl =P
Hrm after that went home and…. Try to KO..but then fukn mother kept on makn me do stuff for herr!! BLEHH!! Sighh..argh I dun even wana tlak abt wut happened for dinner…FUK mann I wish it never happened!! FUKN HELLLLL BLEHHHHHHHHh siiigh *tear*
Life is soo dodgy for me…=/ how come it soo hardd?? >_< bleh* sigh nothing ever seems to ever go my way..=/ never at all…!! Sigh* I wish my daddy was still back here !! it would b easier..!! but then agen I dun like seein my parents fight!! Coz mai friggn mom serioulsy need to go for anger mangaement!!! >_< or fuknnn stress less class….!!! Hrmm she too daymn impatient..blehh it juz reali fukddd wen she stressed out!! It stresses us all out tooo =/ sighhhh*

This last half of the year has gone downhill for me.. ever since I met that boi.. hrm wel things were fine… until the end of our relationship…>_< but that normal lor!! Hrmm but then I still stuk on him which makes it bad ….coz my head still cant think properly !! and now adayz I drift off into mai dream land more often!! And usually in school now adayz I dun feel like talkn to neone..i juz sit ther on my end of the bench and…think and..sigh..and…sumtimes I think too much that it hurts deep inside and I juz wana cry,,,,but then…in school lor..>_< cannot like that one!! Rofl..=/ bleh* its not like I havnt? Rolf.. hrmm =/ yerr coz..bleh…it was a while ago..>_<”
Schoool life has also been hard on me…>_< my whole life manN!! =/ one fukd up piece of shiet!!
Sometimes I wish that I had never been born into this world!! =/ sigh I duno whuy I have to hav sucha shiet life !! whuy the fuk is my path soo daymn rocky wit soo many fukn obsticals!! >__< every since err beginning of highschoool..
Been going out wayy more than usual..=/ and got to many many more ppl..>_< which is a good thing lahh.,.i mean, the more fwens the merrier righT? Hehee =D but then..hrmm yaarhh..lolz ther is a lot!! >_<” hrmm attitude changed too!! Im still innocent and nice manN! ROFL hahaha but I mean..yerr I felt the change and oso ever since I had …my ex.. >_< mai fwens hav beeen telling me that I have changed toOo..>_<” hrm ..bleh but then hrmm time changes ppl lor!! And things that happen in life hav a big impact on yu!!!…BLEH* it reminds me of him and wut he sed to me …BLEH STFU!! >_______< it is sooscrwedd!! I dun even kno whuy I still like him??
He has hurt me soo much…>__< arghhh whuy whuy whuyyy ..whuy the fuk am I soo stoopid? Whuy do I let my heart run soo freely and fall soo deeply into somethink that I cannot get out of..>_<” sigh* stoopid serene!!

Aiyahh~~ newaisee….life suckkkzzz and I gotta deal wit it right? >__< wel hopefully after my birthday things will start changing and going right!!….”16 this year, a perfect square! – a perfect bday!” heheh my fwen sed that to me the other night !! make me smile!! =) ..i reali hope that everything that I hav planned and imagined in my head wiLl all work out next Saturday!! Sighh* PLEASSSSSSSEEEE :’(

Argh!! I wana go online!!!!!!!!! My mom is onda fone wit fwen..>_< stoopid azn parents..mothers* talk talk talk talk talk talk talk….BLEHH can u all please STFU!!! Aiyahhhh~~ *tears*

O I got the avril lavgne album a while ago..and omgosh her songs are soo nice! While I was listening to it I was reading the lyrics and I relate to many of her songs =/ sigh*

Take me away
I cannot find a way to describe it. Its there inside, all I do is hide. I wish that it would just go away. What would you do? You do… if you knew ..what would you do?
All the pain I thought I knew.. all my thoughts lead back to yu, back to what was never sed. Back and forth, inside my head. I cant handle this confusion. Im unable! Come and take me away…

My haPpy eNding
You were everything, everything that I wanted. We were meant to be, supposed to be, but we lost it. All of the memories, so close to me, just fade away. All this time you were pretending, so much for my happy ending.~~

Nobody’s home
I couldnt tell you whuy she felt that way, she felt it everyday. And I coulndt help her. I just watched her make the same mistakes agen. Whats wrong wuts wrong now? Too many, too many problems. Don’t know where she belongs, where she belongs
She wants to go home, but nobodys home. It’s where she lies, broken inside. With no place to go, no place to go, to dry her eyes. Broken inside
…. The feelings she hides, her dreams she cant find. She’s loosing her mind, she’s fallen behind. She’s fallen from grace. She’s all over the place. She’s lost inside, lost inside….
Slipped away
I miss you, I miss you so bad. I don’t forget you. Oh its so sad, I hope you can hear me. I remember it clearly. The day that u slipped away, was the day that I found it wont be the same. I didn’t get around to kiss you goodbye on the hand. I wish I could see you again. I know that I cant. I hope you can hear me. I remember it clearly. I’ve had my wake up. Wont you wake up. I keep askin whuy. I cant fake it. It wasn’t fake. It happened you passed by. Now you’re gone, there you go. Somewhere I cant bring you back. Now you’re gone, there you go. Somewhere you’re not coming back
I miss you ~~

i miss him...do u get the point? lol

2004-10-21T23:17:00.000+08:00

i miss him i miss him i miss him i miss him i miss him i miss him i miss him i miss him i miss him i miss him i miss him i miss him i miss him i miss him i miss him i miss him i miss him i miss him i miss him i miss him i miss him i miss him i miss him i miss him i miss him i miss him i miss him i miss him i miss him i miss him i miss him i miss him i miss him i miss him i miss him i miss him i miss him i miss him i miss him i miss him i miss him i miss him i miss him i miss him i miss him i miss him i miss him i miss him i miss him i miss him i miss him i miss him i miss him i miss him i miss him i miss him i miss him i miss him i miss him i miss him i miss him i miss him i miss him i miss him i miss him i miss him i miss him i miss him i miss him i miss him i miss him i miss him i miss him i miss him i miss him i miss him i miss him i miss him i miss him i miss him i miss him i miss him i miss him i miss him i miss him i miss him i miss him i miss him i miss him i miss him i miss him i miss him i miss him i miss him i miss him i miss him i miss him i miss him i miss him i miss him i miss him i miss him i miss him i miss him i miss him i miss him i miss him i miss him i miss him i miss him i miss him i miss him i miss him i miss him i miss him i miss him i miss him i miss him i miss him i miss him

UOYSZIMI

2004-10-20T22:14:00.000+08:00

It’s 10pm and im lying in bed. The window is open and the wind blows in my room. Outside is raining, the lighting and thunder strikes. Thoughts fill my head as I right this entry. Sigh*
Its been nearly 2 months and I don’t know why im still thinking of you? … sometimes I feel like I can move on with my life, to start with someone new and get over you. But then there are times like this when I feel all alone and all I want is to be with you. The thought of you makes me tear…
I miss the times that we shared together. The memories we made and the moments we had. The pain inside of me is killing me slowly. I cant believe that you have such a big impact on me. >_<
Sigh* I keep on thinking about what I wish we could and should be now. Right now you cold be here wit me… keeping me warm as I fall asleep in your arms. But im dreaming. I dream too much.
It hurts inside and I cant control it. The pain is too much for me to bare. I need some love to rain on me and my broken heart. Right now im listening to music… hrm, love songs… sigh* I should listen to these types of music at this time!! Hehe not a good idea at all… just hurts more.
Bleh*
I miss you soo much some times. I ask myself whyyy?? Whyy am I still stuck on you… after all you put me through…. I know that most people are annoyed and tired of listening to me talk abt my problems. Espeshially abt…you! Haha >_< I try to keep it to myself more often now… sigh but the more I keep it in the more I am confused, and the more I am confused..bleh* the more my heart aches and the more I think abt you.
I tell myself that maybe there is a chance that u can hook back up with you. And sometimes it seems as if there is. But then at other times, it’s the worse feeling ever and I just want to cry! …
Theres something inside of me that wont give up, wont let me let go…
Argh* its killing meeeeee…>___< if onli I could find someone new to get rid of you. ……………

On a lighter note, its my birthday in 10 days^^ yay I guess..but then agen it leads to a neg note.! I wish that I was still with you to share this event with!! See!! Everything that I think about always falls back to you! Even something that is not related…always falls back to yu. Arghhhh* I wana cryy! >_<
I know that I am still young! Rofl..and there is many other people out there and many different experiences that I havent encountered yet.. bleh* all that shiet..sigh I knowww..but then ic ant move on if I cant get over you right??… bleh this is starting to sound like a letter to….him* haha >__< bleh* soweeee…to anyone who is reading..bare with me can? =)
This blogger.. hrm the only one that will actually listen to me… sigh the only way to let things out..
*thank you* heheh..omgosh im talkn to the blogger! Hahah sigh I tink im going siao liao!! >_< bleh

sighhhh… hrm october is nearly ending …… soo many birthday presents I have bought already and now I am seriously broke! Hahah >_< im planning to hav a bbq for my bday! Hrm probably a joint party with my friend. She is going to dinner with her bf at night =) sooo cute* heheh sigh* I miss having someone to call my own.. I miss having someone to hug and kiss whenver I feel like it…
I miss …you…
Yerr..sigh.. if I have my bday Bbq it will probably be in kings park…hrm it kinda hard to control tho coz it is open space and with soo many people! Eek! Hahah >_< bleh* but hopefully all that I hav planned in my head right now turns out perfectly ^^ or at least closeee!! Heheheh sigh*

Anyway I am going to end this here for tonight! Time to watch some korean series =) they are soo sweet i tell u! hahah >_< there are a few love triangles and aww..i feel sowee for them!! >_< it is so cute and sad..and…awww bleh and guess what??? It makes me think of him agen!!!!!!! ARGHHH hahahahhaa..whuy does everything lead to him?? If only he knew how I felt ..and if only he ..missed me.. sigh which is hrmm siff?tough?!! blEHhh *CRIES* lol not reali..but hrmm..my heart…has sunk like the Titanic into a deep, deep, cold, dark ocean… lost in unknown waters with nothing to lead me … lost in the dark with nowun to hold on to.. nowun to turn to.. all alone and lost…
A broken heart waiting to be mended …. Waiting for you to come back to me…..sigh I miss you!

VaMpiRe faNtaSy....not Mine!! HAhah >___<"

2004-10-14T04:20:00.000+08:00
today is halfway thru the last week of this terms holiday =/ soo daymn fast!
i havnt gone out..this whole holiday! excpt hrm last tues wen i went to the show..but that was..dodgy!! rofl..i mean, it the same rides and everything ..every single year.. !! hehe o wellss..
*sigh* im soo tired..and i wana go sleep! but im waiting fo a song to d/l haha >__< daymniT!!
i juz dismantled my whole PC coz we have sold it and tmr the dude is going to pick it up!..>_< and sso today i burned all the crap on the PC onto disks and burn random cds that i borrowd..lolz..coz after tmr i wont hav a burner till the end of the year! eeeK* sigh* at least i stil got my internet!! i seriously wouldnt know wut to do wit out the net! hahah =P cant live without it!! haha and i cant wait till the end of the year, then i can have my own laptop that is not soo daymn dodgy like the one im using now!! haaha and then i get wireless adsl too i tinkss!! =P weeee~~
yarhh >_< im dead eyy! hehe can KO anytime now!! OOO YAYYY the song is d/led!! hehe mai fwen sent to me!! hehe "im real by jlor..but sung by some punk group! haha =P
kiks ass!! lolz =Pp~~
lalalall rofl......
yeer newasie i juz carried my PC to the front of the house and the monintor was daymn heavy eyy!! haha >_< coz it extra biggz too coz we juz changed it not long ago and now we gota sell everything coz we..moving house >__< coz hrmmm it not that easy as it sounds!! juz to pack ya bags and leave! rofl..sigh*
but still, i duno wut is happenign to me..coz hrmm ima lota trouble here! haha >_< got alota things to consider i guess...for all of us !! =/
hrmm lalala...i feel unko atm!! i reali need to pass out soon! lolz >_< been up alot these holidayss..hrm not like it anything new..but i tink i gota learn how to sleep eareli and wake up earli too!! rofl sighh* exams are coming up......5 weeekss =/
arghhhh* Lolz..then it be holiday timee and i get to go sporee!! i hope...>___<
hrm time to birthday plann agen..coz ..mai bday comning up!! haha yayy* sigh but i cbfd planning once agen..>_____< and so 25 bdayz ..arghh! sigh* october is one crayzee bday month!! one of the months that i become broke buying bday pressies!! lolz
im bet that i spend more money than i recieve for mai bday!!! lolz sigh* yawwnnnz**
i tink i better go to bed now .. i wana see wut on tvee at this time and my back is starting to kill meee >___< i hate chairs!! haha if onli i connected in ami room todayy, then now i would be lying on my bed, watchin tvee, chatting and..probably KO'ing!! lolz but right now im sittin on a chair in mai old room--and this is wher my bed used to be >___< so i could be lying down once agen!! rofl ..but sigh i gues not!! =/ hahaha..hrmm and i think ther is a mosquito sumwher coz i feel sumtink on mai leg..and argh it annoying me!!! o.O they sucking out my blooooooood!! NOOOOOOO
lolzzz..wtff hahah >_< i tell u..at this tim eof night.. many things happen and i go completely random so bare wit me yer!? haha =P
o i read this article the other day in the latest..cosmo mag i tink it was!! hehe hrm wel in the "sealed section" lolzz!! ther was an article abt fantasiesss!! lolz and ther was one wher the chic alwasie had a fantasy abt sleeping wit a vampire!! and hrm they would meet at a nightclub and then go out the back and start kissing ..passionately!! haha and then they go back to her place and they start kissing and makin lurrrvee!! haha ..altho she is scared that he will bite her, she trusts him and lets him fuk her! lolz..>_< then hrm later he bites her neck and she saiz that it dun hurt, it juz feels like a bee sting..and then moments later she turns into a vampire tooo!! haha and then those two become vampire lovers and have constant vamp sex lol and fly into the mooonlight together!!! hahah
it was pretty interesting fantasy of herss!! lolz =P hrmm necks are nice haha i wonder how it feels like to be bitten on the neck by a vampire! lolz =/ juz a random thought that goes thru my head sumtimes !! Hhaha..yerr yu all kno that i like..being attacked at my neck!! ROFL..>_< if u kno wut im talkn abt...u ppl out ther!! haha o.O noooooo commmennntt =P ahHAhahahaha
newasie im ColDdd and it latE nowzz rofl..time for me to warm uP in mai beddd!! =P
gOooodnights all and sweeeeet dreamzzz!!! hehehe
biabiazz~~

the start of my ending....

2004-10-12T02:04:00.000+08:00
the start..started on sunday/monday midnight.
my daddy left for china at midnight..and now im stuk wit mai mother and brother till the end of the year >_< sigh* this is gona be one hell of a ride!!
hrm last sunday we had a garage sale..argh soo tiring* haha..>___<"
it supposed to start at 10am, but then all the ppl start coming in at abt 9ish. and argh woke me up =/ grr* hrmm, yerh..busy day..selling..stuff lolz
we went out for dinna that night too. we were meeting up wit mai daddys college and his wife for a farwell dinner^^ but omgosh ..major misunderstanding and communication problems!!! ahah >___<"
we went to nb and walked to "billy lee's" and waited there for one hourrr !! and then realised that we supposed to be at "uncle billy's" argh!! haha >__< how many billys do u need in nb? haha o.O~~ so finlayy we all met up and all was goood..but we wwaited for soo long for dinner to be served! lolz sigh* but it was goood...mMmmm hahah =D and then went for bbltea laters =) hehe *smiles*
sunday/monday midnight...mai daddy went to the airport. my mom and bro went to the airport and i was supposed to too..but sigh* i seriously cant do airports!! lolx coz iwl piss myself crying!! lolz >____< argh* i duno wut will happen but it will be hard lor =/ sigh* iwl miss himmmmm =(
yer and now im stuk wit mai mother ! arhg* haha >_< this is gona be hard stuffs!!
newaise today be tuesay morning^^hehe and im in bed watching tvee...and mai msn wont let me sign in...sigh* dodgy msn !! argh soo annnoying >____<" *blEH*
i cant think nemore now..im tired and mai head is pounding..!! been like this for a while now >_< sigh but msn keeps me awake! lolz..but now no msn..then hrmm nowun to talk to so sleep time !! hehehe
yah i better go sleep sooon.. i gotta wake up earli tmr or else iwl get ass kikd by... mother ! *grrRR*

sometimes i juz wish that i could sleeep and never wake up!
coz in mai dreams my life is just perfect
everyone is happy and nowun is hurt, there are no pain and lies...
i got everythin i need, and everything i want
ther is smiles and no tears
love and no hate...
if onli my dreams came true...
if onli the world was a better place, like the one in mai head...
my dream tale, my fairytale ending...
all just an image...blurred and lost in the morning...
i wish i could sleep forever and dream alwaise...
coz the life i live now..>__< hurts..soo much..
there is too many things happening around me..
and i duno how to keep up wit it all..
whuy cant she understand that im going thru alot too..
shes not the onli one whos gotta deal wit the change...
and whuy cant he see what he is doing to me?..
whuy cant he make things right agen..
are ther such things as happy endings?
second chances..??
*sigh* i wana sleep and i wwana dream..
and i dun wna wake
coz every morning wne the sun shines...
i dun look forward for the rest of the dayy..
not like i used to..those days...some time ago...
wen i open my eyes, a tear rolls down mai cheek..
knowing that mai dream was juz a wish that wont come tru..
and i gota face realtity and the facts of life..
sigh* im talkn shiet now..>_<
hrmmmm...........

today was a reali nice day btw! heheh not sunnny/hot but not freeezing cold!! it was hrm nice and windyy, wit the sun shining thru the clouds above...^^
hrm should hav more of these days more often =) hehe
oki wel ...time to watch tveee then KO...haha
*gRrr @ msn* >____<"

^*goooodnights all*^ and ^*sweeeeeet dreammmmmzz*^

one week left of holidays..

2004-10-09T01:34:00.000+08:00
today my daddy came home from malaysia...yaay* lol stuck wit mai mother for hrm less than one week even..omgosh..>_< it was not kool...at all!! non-stop arguments!! i seriously cant live wit her alone..>_< lolz it may sound harsh and all but it is the truth!! if u want me to live up to a certain old age and not grow old soo daymn fast then i suggest u keep me and mai mother in seperate houses..or at least, not by ourselvz >_< lolx..sigh* aiyahh..
mai daddy leaving on monday then im stuk wit her and mai stoopid bro for the rest of the year..=/ and exams are coming up soon...and bdayy and ..interschool..>< argh sigh soo much shiet to do..and the suky thing is..>< to ensure a safe pos. in perf i gotta get at least an average of 75!! >_< argh..i dunooo mann that is hard stuff for a stoopid gal like me >_< sigh* and all the distractions around me..
espesh coz bday is coming..and argh need to plann abt that..and i still a stoopid dreamer so i tink alot..abt stuff that maybe i shouldnt worry too much abt >_< and i hope and dream that mai wish will come tru..=/ sigh but i doubt it* and argh im juz soo screwed in the head and it reali reali dodgy!! sigh*
hopefully this wont be my last year here in perf...=/ sigh* i mean, i kinda do wana go overseas ..hrm new experiences and stuff, and after all, if i go, it will onli be for 1.5 years! my parents sed, jokingly*>_<, that maybe i will enjoi it ther better and end up staying ther!! LOL SIFF~! hahah u can kiss mai ass ! rofl =P
yah..but then.u never kno lor..>_< if onli we could see the future! lol =/
sigh..newaise!! hrmm u blank atm...i been on this page for 3 hrs~!! lol..><" havt been concentrating much n so i tink i beeter b off or else ill start rytin shiet lol
nitezz all~~

bUnnY^^loLZ

2004-10-07T02:44:00.000+08:00
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royal show 2004

2004-10-06T03:28:00.000+08:00
today i went to the royal show with a few fwens =) hehe..got in for free...haha coz im still 15 LOL!! my friend got in for free too, and he is 19! haHah >_<
it was hrmm aiite lah..! very ..packed! haha and the weather was pretty..unko. the weather here in this country, soo sianz man! lol..i mean..could u make up ur mind!!? one minute nice and sunny then the next pouringg soo hard and when that happens..u never know how long it will last for. lol. like one minute it is pouring..then it slows down..then the sun shines thru the clouds...then...wen u least expect it....the rain falls hard agen! haha =/
newasie lol. enough abt the weather =) back to the show.....heheh.......
hrmz, wel got ther at abt 12.40ish..the place was packed...i mean...argh soo many cars!! haha and some places, they were charging people for parking their cars! lol..$10 mann and entry for adults is $18!!!! $28 juz to get into the friggn royal show??!! LOL u can get fukd up the ass lOL!! haha yay i got in free!!? loL..=Pp
yarhh..i went home today wit 3 showbagss!! and wit wet legs/feet..! lol
hrm i got 2 chocolate showbags and a magazine oneee ^^ weeeeee~~~ rofl...mm chocolate haha =P *cant resist it* kekek^^
me and mai fwens went on the rollercoaster.. hrmm it was not worf it ..coz hrmm it was too short and...onli one round =/ ...come onnn!! haha 2...pleassee? haha..but it was aiite lahh =Pp..too bad me and audrey bought showbags..and so we all had to split into two groups >_< arh wells hehe ..
hrm wut else happend...hrmm..juz walkd...ALOT hahah and bought random showbags along the way..and playd random games!! haha =P
toto won a HOT PINK flamingo!! hahah and he gave it to meee rofl!! yay hahah =Pp it soo daymn lankyy!! hahah o wellz..it koolz^^
i tink im ...sick-er after the show! lol coz of the rain and stuff..>< and i was alreadi partially sick..so it made it worse..=/ sigh*
hrm saw many pplz too..lotsa citee bumz and a few school fwens =)hrmmmmmmm...
royal show....hrmm ...bleh*
newasie im watching garfield the moovie atm! hahaa and it is like friggn 2.40am lol and mai fwen juz askd me to play msn games hahah^^
yayy holidaysss..today is wednesday..but it feels like saturdayyy !! hehe =Pp
sigh newasie imma play this last game then i tink imma KO fo todayy^^ =) it been long..and eventful!..
o yer...dinna todayy!! i cant forget to mention abt this one!! haha =P
wel, after the show..we went out looking for foood!!! haha coz omgosh the food at the show was like..daymnn expensivee!! rofl yarh hehe and so for dinna had alot coz we wer daymn hungry!! haha ...mm red rooster and maccazz!! togetherr...=D mmmmmm!! lol..soo fat tho! hahah it was daymn gooood tho!! =P~~
yarh ok lol ther we go..my blog for today!! hehe time to finish off mai game and garfield!! ...garfield is daymn mean to odie btw!! lolz..><>_< i recommend..nowun to watch in mooovies lol..i got it on dvd...from china mann! lol..cheap stuffz!! hahaha ok lol iwl shuttup now!!! =P
kkz gooodnights alll =D and enjoy ur holidayss .. o and happy birthday fuzzy! this is for tuesdayy!...=D may all ur dreams come trU~ hehe
[24 dayz left..til mai bdayy] yay ^^
hUgGlEs*

spring time

2004-10-05T02:36:00.000+08:00
I lay on the grass, looking up in the sky
The cool spring breeze blows softly against my face
The butterflies and bees surround the flowers behind me
I look up and see the white clouds bouncing up above…
The birds in the tree, high up, next to me…
Chirping their love song on a sunny spring day

Couples hand in hand…passing me by
Smiling and cuddling, holding each other tight
Laughing and making many spring time memories
Speaking words that I wish I could

The flowers are blooming and love is fresh in the air
Little children laughing, playing together in the field
A kite shaped like a bird, flies above my head
A plane in the distance, spelling out a lover's name

The sweet scent of vanilla fills the air…
Mixed wit smells of honey from the pollen in the flowers
The weather…just perfect…
Not too hot, nor too cold

A hint of the warm summer breeze teasing our senses
The sun shining down on me as I lie on my front
Opening my book to the forth chapter
Reading and listening to the world around me

Time passes by and the sun slowly fades away
I sit myself up and pack my bags
Walking through the park, following the winding path
Stopping to sit on the bench and looking out to sea

The waves gently rolling in towards the shore
In the distance, the sun slowly setting…
A lovely spring day coming to an end…
The sky changing colour to a blue, pink then purple

Watching the sun set into the deep blue sea
Feeling the wind blow up against me
And smelling the salty, cool ocean breeze
The day was coming to an end…I picked myself up

A peaceful spring day, by myself and my mind
A soulful yet eventful day
Watching lovers passing me by once again
Sometimes I wish I had someone to share my spring time memories with

But I walk along with a smile on my face
Ending my wondrous day without a tear
Proving to myself that I can make it through the pain
By spending a day alone with the spring magic blooming
The magic touch of the season surrounding
Working like medicine…a drug of happiness
Spring time blooming, and brightening up my life

late nights..and relationshipz....

2004-10-04T03:14:00.000+08:00
hey!! monday morning! happy birthday to the queen!! haha today is public holiday.. too bad im in mai hoildays alreadi..so no point..!! >_< stoopid timing these public holz! rofl
hrm newasie right now the tym is 2.40am..and my eyes are slowly closing..hehe so while they are partially open iwl try and write a meaningful blog! lolz =Pp
these past few ...days..maybe even week!? i been sleeping alot..lolz..>< nothing new i guess...but ..hrm it been constant sleeping..i duno whuy ? haha ..wen im bored..i find myself in mai bed and then a few mins later sleeping!haha ..sucha piG!? rofl yaRH...
sunday..i woke up at abt 12pm and then went to dimsum like 30 mins later..hehe was yummmii!! ^_____^ havnt had dimsum in such a long time =D.. hrm left dimsum at abt 2ish then wen we got home..guess wut i diD? lolz
got into mai bed..listening to music..and then......zzzzzzzzzzzz haahah =Pp and woke up at abt 7ish !! lolz..oopz!!
not intentionally ok!! >_< sigh* wen im bored i cbfd doing netink so i sleep lor..!!! =X
sigh* royal show is in town..><>< 26 more dayzzz..and counting ..slowly!! haha =)
hrmm sometink i learned abt relationships...they can change a person...sooo much >___<"
somtimes it is for the best, and other times..=/ sigh*
yarh im tlakin to mai fwen abt it atm.....coz he got himself a gf a month ago and i mean, it all good^^im happy for him..coz yah he deserves to be happy after all the shiet he been thru!! >_< yarh but..relationships change ppl..
i rember ..wen me adn ..mai ex wer together..two of mai good fwens told me that i changed..=/ but i told emz i didnt lol..=Pp but inside i knew that i did..>_< .....hrm the change..was...good and bad lor..at the start was..great! haha but then..later..yer..it normal lor...=/ depression* haha >_< yarhh..
relationships can change fwenshipz tho..=/ coz some ppl change without knowing it..and then they slowly drift away from their fwens..that wut happenin wit me and mai fwen now..coz yarh i duno..not talkin like we used to lor! but then agen..that is normal lor..coz he got a gal to deal wit now hehe and he worrys alot that lil boi! hehe =)sigh* i duno wut im on abt..>_< lol..
personally, i tink..that the whole relationship thingy is ..fukd up the ass! Lol..>_< dont get me wrong, ther are the fun adn happy timess that u will nevver forget..but then..hrm nothing good lasts forever and then one day everything will come crumbling down!!...iE-u dieded! lol..or hrm break upz!! o.O yarh..
mayb it juz coz i havnt relai had a reali serious relationship bfo! haha >_< still a noooby at it..rofl wtf*
aiyah~~o wel...everyone has to go thru these dodgy times....sometime in their life!! yah life has ups and downs and we all cant be happy all the time.>_< i wish* haha
sometimes i wish that life was like a huge-ass remote control.. hrm so like...u can rewind back to happy memoris and re-live them agen. but ..u cannot alter ur past..and must still live on life..>_< coz that will onli be fair right?
yarh and so wen u are depressed.. can juz press pause and then rewind back to the hapy memories and re-live them for a few moments. then at least, wen u get bak to time... u wont feel soo depressed lor! lolz haha ^^ yah im juz talkn shiet atm lolz..>_< yarhh...
coz life goes onnn and we cant do anythin to change the path that we hav been chosen to follow >_< haha
i sound like im friggn preaching now or sumtinkz?! o.O hrmm lolx.....
i should reali sleep earlier eyy! lolz >_< it 3.08am now..haha
i gotta wake up earli...coz mai daddy going tgo KL todayy..this arvo at abt 4ish~~yah sigh* and gotta go out for lunch at fwens place..*vegetarian food* lolz..><" eek! and need to plann for the royal show on tuesday! haha =P
hrmm..right now im listening to "my place"-nelly onda radio..haha i wish i had a remote for this radio so i can change channelz..>< coz juz bfo some weird ass country shiet was on..lol i was like..arghhh..change statioN!! neone?? haha =Pp
yah newaise i tink i better sign off for tonights =)
goodmornings all..and happy bday our dear queen!! rofl..wahahah...
sweeet dreamzz pumpkinss haahhah* =Pp byebyEeez

a long long longg dayy....

2004-10-03T01:45:00.001+08:00
heyy therr..ppl reading ! lol..>_< wtf* hrm wel..today was a very daymnn friggn long day!! started at abt hrmm 10am saturday morning... woke up and ..had pizza for breakfast! LOL hrm then bummed around the house for abt 2 hrs.. napped a bit haha =Pp ~~ lying in bed..thinkn and listening to music ^^
hrm then at abt 12pm went to the bus stop and ..waited for the bus!!! OMGOOOOOOOSHH! lol =P
hrm then went to the city wit mai fwen... inda city..errr ate lunch and bummed around nb/city hrmm..met up wit another fwen of mine and killed her nightmare! haha =/ i tore up her toy dog in front of utopia and turned it inside out, pulled out all the stuffing and burnt its face..then shoved it inda bin!! LOL
yess i know it sounds cruel! lol..>< but mai fwen askd me to do it for herr...!! hrm her way of forgettin her past!..>_< her nightmare* now gone..inda bin!! hehe ^^ i was juz helping out a fwen mann! lol...wut soo mean abt that??
however, that dog was a very cute one! hehe and iv alwasie wanted that dog toi..i gues iwl go bak to spore and buy one for myself on the next trip!! hehe^^ yay* lolz..
newasie hehe ..after that we went to pot black.. they wer all playing pool...hrmm nothing much happend after that..>_< it got boring!! hrm took a LG..=/..errr..EW? hahaha
saw mai biatch!! ^^ took a foto wit her ..once agen..eww! haha i keep on ruining all the fotoz!! haha go mee*!? lolz..hrmmm wut else happend....??! errr
it got boring yer..and so i went home earli and then wen i got home i went to mai comfy bed and napped agen for 40 mins or so? hehe coz i had to go to farwell party for mai daddy..=/
hrmm went to fwens place and everyone was pickin on me..lol and wen i first walkd thru the door they were all like...OMG wut u do to ur hair!! LOL >___< adults *Sigh* hAHha yer..all of emz wer teasing me and givn me shiet!! haha ..first wen im sitting outside wit all the uncles..they all pestering me abt drinking alchimahol..lol and going casino and shiet..=/ lOL..wTF? hahaha and then so i left to the other room wit all the auntiess..>< and they ask me abt boifwenss!! loL argh!! haha and then i leave once agen then the uncles annoy me abt chineseee =/ leave me aloneee!!! hahaha
sigh* imma miss that bunchh!! =( coz wen mai daddy leaves then prob wont see em around much at all nemore..coz they all work fwens..aiyahhh* life is gona be weird witout mai daddy around ='( sighh..
hrm newasie...got home at abt 12.20am..and been online ever since then ^^ yerpp *here i am* lol listening to 92.9 live @ churcH~~^^ i wana go clubbing theree..sounds daymnn goood lol =Pp
yarh newasie i tink imma conclude this extremly long daay veryyy verrry sooon..lolz coz 1. nowun is online... 2. im pretty deadd... 3. dance finishes at 2am ... 4.hmmm i should?! lolz..yarhhh iwl shuttuP noww =X
heheh goooodnitess everyoneesss ^

HoliDayz aGenn!!!

2004-10-02T00:48:00.000+08:00
its been a long time since iv written a new and proper blog hor? hehe..my explorer hasnt been working..and my parents just got back from their holiday not long ago..so hrm not allowed to go online much! =X
newasie..hrm..today was the last day of term3...now..holidayss!! hehe ^^
yay in a way..coz no more skul..time to...relax!! but then...examz after holidays..sigh* so gotta study stilL!!!=/
hrm wel..life has been..gettin better for me actualli ^^ havnt been thinkn that much..wel not after monday! i wrote a huge ass..poem abt..my feelings..abt ..that relationship i had not long ago! haha >_<>_< haha =Pp
... my daddy gona leave for KL on monday..=/ sigh*and he comin back on friday..but then gone agen on the following monday >_< to china..for..a very long time..=/ sigh* gona miss him lor..=/ *doGy-neSs*
soo stressing these few days tOoo..stoo dodgy!! i cant think very well..theres tooo many things going on in mai stoopid little head !! lolz..and now examz are coming uP !! arGH*o yerr..
HAPPY 2 MONTH MAI SKAnKY sUE-tEo biATcH! ROFL..
hrm im soo broke!! too many birthdays in october..><>_< it is soo scrwedd lol..=/ hahah...
^^hAPpy 16th biRthDay jaSmine^^ hehe this b for todayy! lolz =Pp hrm last night..*thursday* i went late night sHoPping anf had to buy 3 bday presents for fwens ..coz their bdays are inda holidays hehe ^_^ now im juz..bankruPT! lolz..>_<" no moneyyy noww haha..i bought 5 tops last night and shortz and bikini! rofl..*bondz stYlz* haha =Pp hell yarhhh..but now got like 4 sets ahah >___<>_<

o yeaH..last week..on friday the 24th of ..september^^ hehe asian cocktaiL @ metroz!! lol..wahhh* soo fun! haha ...got myself a VIP all access part and got mai liDdl ass into the club! rofl..^^ it was sooo daymn packed tho! apparently ther was 2200+ people..>_< all asians too..soo manyY! [o.O]
i knew ther was alota asianz but..>_<>< how abt allthe lil PeEepz like me? hahah =Pp soo manyy ..but wher are all the hot...decent ones hiding? lol..=Pp *waitzz* haha...
they cut us off at 3am tho..how dodgy lol..!! it was supposed to end at 6am..>_< but then..3 hours earli!! argh* dodgyy!! haha..=/
scored abt 7 free drinkz tho! lolz..=Pp go me^^ haha ..not enof tho..onli juz got tipsy!! ^^ i wana go clubbing agen!! haha..but hav to wait..hrm for next years msu function or...hrmm wen im finalli 18 >___<" soo far awayy! lolz..
sigh*
aRgh i cant rember wut i was gona write..i been sittin on this page since 9.16pm! lol..>_<>___< mmm chocolate haha..but arghh i feel sickness in mai tummY! hehe o.O~~

hrmm...blehh* im talkn craP now..=X sowee for wastin ur time ppl* my head is scrwed! lol..>_<
yer newasie *bleH* iwl write more another day..time for some late night ricki lake!! haha =Pp

o yerr..mtv awards were on tonight!! OMGOSHH usherr mann!! he took off his shirt lolz..=P *dROoolz* lol the intro was daymn nice...confessions/2..and yeahh!! ^^ and weeeee~~~ omgosh ther was..get low and arghh ther was soo manyy goood songs ina roww!! hehe >__< got me inda moood to start dancing/clubbing!! hah *get up and dance* rofl..
ok i better end this ..pointless blog! lol...>_< okkkk gooodnightss all...^^HUgz*

randomz...

2004-09-22T13:01:00.000+08:00
hey~! wel..i havnt written here in soo long..>__< sigh =/
>__<"...
yahh..igot 10 mins left then end of period..and we going to the coca cola factory!! >_<><" aiyah waste of time..but i guess better than skul hor? haha ^^sigh*
newasie..hrm mai head has been clearing up lately..lol..>___<" it been soo long..sigh abt 3 weeks pluss now..and i should be over him..><" but i duno whuy i still think abt him.. i guess it is kinda normal..><><" im not sure how much longer i will be here anywways..o.O sigh ~~
hrm yarh..he came over agen on mondaay..but this time i didnt make dinna fo him!! lol..>_<>___< hahah ="D" color="#ff0000">*welcum back biatch* been missing u heapss gal! hehe =Pp imma see her on saturdayz i tink!! ^_^ yayy hehe
friday night ther is a function on at metroz too..>__<" eeek! heheh sigh..i wana go and i dun wana go too..>___<" i got jealous last saturday wen i was out wit fwens..coz i saw him wit two other gals..and altho they juz "fwens" as i heard..i mean..argh i got that stoopid feeling..>< and it sukd..and i couldnt take it so i had to leave...ASAP!! haha sigh* newaise i gtg now..coke factory!! lol
biabiazzz

.: eDit @ 12.58am [ocTober 2] : coke factory was shiet-hoLe! rofl..>_<" they gettin stingyer and..stingyerr!! first we get showbags..then we got a bottle of coke and a bottle of water...then this year!! omgoshH! haha a CAN of coke and a bottle of water!! lol..wut gona happen next year? a stickerr? Lolz..>_< soo dodgyy!! haha
that whuy they are gettn a profit? coz they soo cheap and stingy..so they save money by givin shiet lil drinkz and blehh* argh i duno wut im tlakn abt now! lolz..>_< [zZzz...]
i hav to edit mai bloggers too..coz it dun seem to turn out very weLl..there are like..random sentences missing and enters..didnt enter! lol.. =X its scrwed mann! lol..

dREAmmm...dReam dREam dReaM..dReamm...

2004-09-19T01:30:00.000+08:00
I like to dream, sometimes I think… I dream too much… =/
When I close my eyes, or even when I’m awake, I can picture images in my head of you and me…of what you and I was. What we could have been if nothing went wrong. I dream of the life that I wish to lead, the happiness and love I would be filled with.
In my dream my heart is still in one piece, my life is…great! Things go my way and best of all you are holding me in your arms… every night, by your side, feeling safe and warm.
Every night I close my eyes my mind drifts off and I start to dream. Images of us flood my head. I can’t help it; I can’t control how I feel. I wish I could sleep and never wake up. To live in the life I view in my head every night. To sleep with a smile and not wake up to reality. The night ends and the sun shines. I slowly open my eyes and a tear rolls down my cheek. Coz I know that the love I felt that night…will not happen today. It probably wont happen…ever…
How I wish that I could turn back the hands of time. To repeat the times that we had together, to stop myself from listening to everyone around me. If only I didn’t send that faithful sms… that message. I couldn’t believe that I sent it… I couldn’t believe that I wrote it. I don’t know what I was thinking. Maybe the peer pressure around me was too great to defeat, and they got the best of me. If I could turn back the hands of time I would never have sent that message, I could have thought of a better way?
Sigh I don’t know what is happening to me now a days. My head has been filled with thoughts and images. I don’t know how to control it and my emotions have been going crazy!
I thought that I was over you, because it has been 3 weeks…and I know that you don’t want me, and things will never be the same. But there is that little something inside of my soul that wishes and wishes that you will give us another chance and we could be together again. I know that I will never make that same mistake again and this time I will be very careful not to loose u… again. Coz I been hurting for a long time now and I cant take it much longer. I just want to scream, burst out and cry. I wish that you knew how I feel…but then I don’t know how you will take it… it will probably the same way you did with my sms. I scared myself too you know. I couldn’t believe the impact that everyone had on me. I guess I’m not as strong as I thought I was. Maybe I’m just really scared. Sigh~
Why does life have to be so unpredictable? Why does it cause so much pain?
I wish that I could sleep and live my dream. My dream seems like such a great place… a place of peace and freedom. I can do anything, I can tell you how I feel…and you would feel the same too.
All of this pain… just because of you. Because of a boy that I fell for one winter’s day. A boy that I put my heart on the line for. Someone that I lost one of my best friends bcoz I chose you over him. I don’t know what I was thinking…
I was in lust. I’m still in lust. I can’t help myself. I can see myself falling into "lust" with you over and over again. Every time I see you I get a feeling. I wish I could get close to you, but I tell myself that you are not mine anymore, and I try to hold myself back. I’m used to the usual hello. With a hug and a kiss. But now it has all changed. When we meet all I get is a simple hello or a wave. >_< I want a hug. That is all I ask for. We are still friends and that is what I want. I know that I can’t have more so a hug won’t hurt. Well, it’s late, and I have school tomorrow. Time for me to do what I do best… dream…. And hurt myself… dreaming….

At scHoOool...>_<"

2004-09-15T14:28:00.001+08:00
im in economics atm..last period of today!! yay ^_^ hrm
wel.. im home alone agen.. wit mai lil bro..>_<" sigh! that annoying little.."thing" lol o.O~~
and it sukz coz i didnt get to fix mai laptop andso my explorer not working nemore..sigh! so onli msn agen..hehe
i guess it not that baD..still can communicate..but cannot do other stuffz >.<" yarHh.. arh weLlz..
i can...hrm maybe..survive..lolx..
hehe newasie..hrmm life ...now adayz...><><" boring..rejectful..and the wearther is soo fukd! lol..
hrm i realised that whenever i plan things..they never come to plan! lol..like dreams..they never come tru.. i learnt that hrmm wuttever happens in life...happenz..and ther is nothing to do to stop ...the course of life to take place..>_<" hrm things happen for a reason?! and life is meant to be this way..
sigh* ig uess..sometimes..things happen for the best..
..hrmm..maybe ther is a set path for us to go..><" and these are the lil things that get in our way lol i duno wtf im talkn abt now..>_<" lol..hrmmm
i got athletics training tmr..after skull...and guess wut? haha i CBFD..><" sigh im soo slak now adayz..>< haha
and bleh..arh wells..they ned me..coz cant run the 4x 100m wit hrmm 3 runners!! hahahah =Pp~~
hrm yer i mite consider doing it tmr ..maybex!! hehe ^^hrmm
wel i better go before i get caught..><"
huGz*

absent parents again..lolx

2004-09-10T23:28:00.000+08:00
on sdaturday..parents are flying overseas...><" this time for 2.5 weeks! ..argh it pretty long..i duno if i can survive..lol o_O~hrmm freeedom ..i guess!/but hrm harsh mann! lol..>.<" iwl prob die of starvation? lol =P aiyah~~ hrm now is the time when iw ish that i had ..him still >.<" coz hrmm nowun home..LOl sigh ! >< ^reminiscing^ roFL! ahah no comment! iwl stop there! haha >.<" newasie, im in econs atm.. and we are going to the coca cola factory hrmm sometime sooon..i went last year too..><><" sigh *sowee liddle kids* hahaha some of emz were year 6's tooo! LOL OooOoOOpppz..><" forgive me! hahah arh weElllz..wuts dun is done..hahah =Pp~
hrm tmr..mai parents are leaving..going overseas...for hrmm 2 and a half weeeeks!!! LOL yay! hahah ...
jen's bday ish tmr tooo ^^and prob go out tmr night! hehehe..planned* haha =Pp~ *siGh*
i juz did some random test..lol and the resultz:
Flirting Skill Level: 91%
Kissing Skill Level: 13%
Cudding Skill Level: 91%
Sex Skill Level: 79%
Why they love you: you keep going and going and going
Why they hate you: you take more than you give
LOL..i duno? haha sum random site mai fwen gave to me..lol =Pp
siigh..im watchn grease and some other show atm..it called..autumn in ny i tink..>< not sure..but got richard gere..and the chic hu addicted to shop lifting..i cant think of her name atm..o.O sigh~ hrm wel..it finishing..
i juz saw a part of the ending..and the gal juz dieded..="( coz she had cancer..and then sigh it was around xmas time..and her bf juz put up the xmas tree for her..and it was soo pweddi..but she collapsed..and sigh! she had to go to hospital..and then her family was all ther..but..sigh she didnt make it *sobz* and siighh..
i cant imagine all that pain ey..of loosing someone that u love..wit all ur heart..siiighh..
these love stowwies make me sad..and feel lonely..lol *s_S-s is bAk* ->serene sighing syndrome<- lol whuy is everythhin SsS! lol *trippl s* i juz realised that..><" hrm mai xiao gor called me sSs^gal (each S* stands for sumtink lah-lol) and hrm "he" called me..S__s__serene ^_^ sigh..>< iwl shuttup! i need to stop thinkn..and put the past behind mai fat ass..lol o.O
arghhh!!!!! arGh arghhh ArghhHH!!!......BLEH! the mooovie..made me sad and miss ..the speshial hugs..and kisses..><>.<"
hrm being single..can be fun at times..but then agen..sighh..lol there are ups and downs in life..this be wut i hav learnt..and experienceD..nothing in life comes for free..and it never lasts forever! they all come wit an unforgettable and daymn fukn painful price..>.<" dreams....
been living in mai dream world..a place wher i hav made up.
Every night i close my eyes...
images of..how i wish my life could be..and the love that i recieve...
the dream of one day becomig yours..and lying in ur arms at night..
the thought of u having ur arms around mine, makin me feel safe and warm...
my fairytale ending..my dream come true..
sigh~i tink that i think wayy too much..and dreamm too much..lol iE- i sleep too much? haha o.O~
it useless to juz dream..coz if u dun do anything abt it..hrm it wont come tru..
u juz be sittin on ya fat ass all day...dreaming...and gettn depressd over it all..>.<" haha ..sigh!
life is...bleh! lol...arRgh i duno wat im talkn abt...im juz mumbling on and on and on....>.<"
i better end this crazyee long blog..hehe before u all pass out of bordemz..^^
sigh! catchyaz all laterz..*sweet dreams*...dun dream too much! haha o.O~~ <> lol

~^*sWeet dReAminGz*^~

2004-09-05T04:49:00.000+08:00
today was a hrm...weird day! i havnt been at home on a saturday for the past 6 weeks or so..and so today felt strange..hehe >.<" being at home on a saturday! haha ><" lol..sigh*
i thought i was over him, but i guess it wasnt as easy as i thought..haix! there are alwaise these liddle things ..everywher i turn...they remind me of him...and i get random flash backs of the times that we had..>.<" i duno how much more of this i can take? o.O i keep telling myslf to moove on coz it is over and the past cannot be changed...sigh* some of mai fwens are trying to be nice, and they tell me that..give it some time and he will come crawling back (rofl) siFf* haha that all i gotta say..!! but hrm it makes me think..and i know that deep down inside..sumwher in mai soul..i want him back! ><" i wish that me and him wil be back to us* >.<" i clearly rmbr the times we had..it feels soo real..like it juz happend..bleh*
"..i know its crazyee, how i still can feel ur kiss...
its been 6 months, 8 days, 12 hours since u went away....
i miss u so much, and i dont know wut to say...
i should b over u..i should know better, but its just not the case..
its been 6 months 8 days 12 hours since yu went away................." - brian mcknight- 6,8,12
yarhH..hrmm it feels soo reaL..feels like u are here!!..><" i miss u ...alot....>.<"
but i kno that it wont happen again..and i try to tell myself over and over agen...="( but i cant stop thinkn abt u!!...~~ it reali sUkzzz.. blEH!! lol
i duno wut to dooo? i kno that i hav to get over u...but i duno howw?!! >.<"
everyone been telling me to get another bf and hav fun! haha..how i wish !!..but ..hrm not wanted? haha ><" sigh* and it not right to go for another guy to get over ur ex..and sigh it takes time i gues...=/
bleh fuk knowzz!! my life is fukd up now adayz..><" ther other stuFfz that been going on..however i dun tink i wana tlak abt it..>< siiighhh*
newasie...
i went shopping today..^_^ went to garden city..shopped around for a couple of hours wit mai bro! haha >.<"
he is soo daymn annoying!! bleh* hrm i boughtz...
jeanz, a denim mini, underwear, two topz, something from the body shop (sigh-the body shop..brings bak memories agen...>< *thinkz*..*tears* siGH~~), hrm chocolate, packets of bobby pins fo mai biatch all the way in sydney!!^^wutta picky piece of pOo she is!! roflmfao--miss u sue li~~!!!!, hrmm and i boughtz body tonic! haha , and hrmm playboi key ring and earrings..^_^ i tink that abt it..haha =D~~
it was quite fun! ><><" but soBbz* they riPped me off!!!!
blEH* they ran out of chocolate while they were putting it in mai ice cream *CRIES* i was like NooOOooO!!
omg mai chocolate..sighhh......!! >.<" aiyahh how doDgyy!! i should hav bought mai apple piE! >< coz wen i got home i realised that i got a box of "HEavEn" !! OMGAwShh!! sooo nicee! hahah =Pp~~
lala....bleh*
*thiNKz* and wishES*
sigh..all good things come to an end..and nothing in the world comes for free..>.<" sighhh!!!
"..twas too good to be tru~it was like a fairytale,the dream i pictured in mai head everynight. Everytime i close my eyes i tink of u...=/ i cant help myself..i feel me falling into ur lust spell. the thought of us being together..i never knew it would ever happen..too good to be tru! my dreamz..they came tru? ^^but all dreamz, everything comes wit a price..and i paid it fairly..>.<" u stole my heart away and left me here all alone. i sit here thinking, dreaming..hoping,wishing.. sigh*regretting..!! i miss u..i duno wut to do?.. i paid wit mai heart and it hurts so mucH!..i feel myself drowning..my heart feels heavy as it takes slow beats. i duno wut to doooo!! i cant get over u..!! aiyahh....wen i fall asleep tonight im sure iwl be thinkn of u..><" it makes me sad..at the same time..it makes me happy!..that i had u as mine..once in mai lifetime..but it makes me sad that u were mine..but now juz fwens....bleh* i duno wut im talkn abt now..><" *i should b over u, i should know better but its juz not the case....* o_O sOBz* wel..hrm u have scared my heart..theres a part of me that .. u hav stolen! a part that cannot be replaced..>.<" iwl alwasie rember the times that we shared and the ..feeling..z..>< cherished forvers* sigh..thank_u....miss_u...sigh....."
wel that was unko! lol..><"
imma go sleep now!! haha..haPpy father's day!! ^__________^
goodmornings all and sweet dreamz...!! dreams dreams dreams...
"i wish that one day we will hav our dream come tru.. and it wont cost us much, juz the love that we have given to the one that loves us..."
~^*sWeEet dreaMingz*^~ one day..... i believe that one day.... one day we will get our happy ending....~~
everyone in this place called Earth..will hav their dream come true~~~** juz ..wait...^_^
+lUv yaz, bAyBi_dReamEr+

teLl ur loved ones how u feel ^_^

2004-09-04T23:23:00.000+08:00
A girl and a guy were speeding over 100 mph on the road on a motorcycle.

Girl:Slow down.Im scared.
Guy:No this is fun.
Girl:No its not.Please,its too scary!
Guy:Then tell me you love me.
Girl:Fine, I love you. Slow down!
Guy:Now give me a BIG hug.
::Girl hugs him::
Guy:Can you take my helmet off & put it on yourself? Its bugging me.

(In the paper the next day): A motorcycle had crashed into a building because of brake failure.
2 people were on it, but only 1 survived. The truth was that halfway down the road, the guy realized that his brakes broke, but he didn't want to let the girl know. Instead, he had her say she loved him & felt her hug 1 last time, then had her wear his helmet so that she would live even though it meant that he would die. If there is anyone in life you love this much, please post this into my guest book or your profile and type the persons name below it the person i love name is not below because i fear he may not feel the same.

SpRing timE ^__^

2004-09-02T19:54:00.001+08:00
september is here..and it is spring time..no more cold and stormy nights...=)
sigh..spRing..mai bday coming up!! yay ^_^ lol
today has been a great day..i havnt been happy in soo long...^^ sigh...maybe it is the weather? maybe the change in season?...
"..seasons change..people grow..."-mya =)
time to move on..^^ hrm i been telln myself...and hrm listening to songs like..hrm one last cry-brian mcknight and fighter-christina aguilera..hrm yer and so yarhh lol
lala..*
yer i tink im over him...but hrm i guess...he will alwasie be in mai heart forvers..lol coz he is wel..mai first...proper!! ..lol..><" yay! haha yer he has scared mai heart liao..lol..and so he will be there forevers and i wont ever forget himz !! lol..^_______^
ok iwl shuttup now...rofl..

[one last cry - brian mcknight ^_^]

My shattered dreams and broken heart
Are mending on the shelf
I saw you holding hands
Standing close to someone else
Now I sit all alone
Wishing all my feelings was gone
I gave my best to you
Nothing for me to do
But have one last cry
One last cry
Before I leave it all behind
I gotta put you out of my mind this time
Stop living a lie
I guess I'm down to my last cry
Cry.....
I was here
You were there
Guess we never could agree
While the sun shines on you
I need some love to rain on me
Still I sit all alone
Wishing all my feelings was gone
Gotta get over you
Nothing for me to do
But have one last cry
One last cry
Before I leave it all behind
I goota put you out of my mind
For the very last time
Been living a lie
I guess I'm down, I guess I'm down
I guess I'm down...
I guess I'm down...
To my last cry...

lalla....it a nice song.....=) go d/l hehe but it a bit ..slow..>< the intro is like 47 secs...eeek! lol..but sigh it is worth it..=) it helpD me alotz...^_^

...lost....

2004-09-01T08:14:00.000+08:00
its been..3 days now.. and i cant stop thinkn...
the images of us together that night, the day u askd me out..the times we had..the laughs we shared..
the taste of yur lips sealed on mine...i still can taste it..that night..apple...the smell..vanilla...
the touch of yur body up next to mine...lying together with the moonlight piercing thru the window..the kisses ..the hugs..
the way u held me close....sigh...the soft touch and the lust all around...so daymn intense..
sigh..i been thinkn alot..and i cant get u out of my mind... sigh.. everytime i close my eyes i c...us..
the fun times we had..and the times that we shared..sigh
it hard to say goodbye....and sigh..i think alot...and i regret that.....sms...sigh
i had soo many things to say to u that saturday...but i was ...kinda blank..O_o and juz listened to u.....i knew ..i had a feeling that it wouldnt turn out the way that i wanted it to.... yer.... but stil... sigh..
i know there is a part of me that is wishing and hoping that it will be ok..and that it will all work out agen...
but then..sigh i kno that it cant..coz bleh..i fukd it uP..and it juz wasnt meant to be ....
these past few days..hav been..><><"
sighh....so lost....... o.O

weekends are coming >.<" Eeeekkk!!!

2004-08-27T09:27:00.000+08:00
wel usualli i would be looking forward for the weekends...but tmr....is saturday...AnDdd.. i have to talk to thingyyy* lol..and i need to yer...bleh talk to him....and im scarded and confuzsled..>.<" blEH*
hehe sigh....
wel im in class right now...and it is daymn cold and boring..!! it better not rain tmr as i am planning to wear a skirt! hahaha ^-^ sigh
im still sick...it sukx...i cant sleep at night..coz im thinkn of sumone..and i alwasie wake up randomly and coughhh...aloT..and blEh *dieded* haha o_O

english essay today...>.<" bleh how gayy!! i duno wut im gona rite....last night i was too tired to think..wel..hrm mai head was filled wit other crap and so i couldnt think newaii...>.<~~sigh been stressing too much lately...imma be an old woman sooon!!! LMFAO..eek!
lala..
o yer..happy 15th birthday to belza fo yestrday!!! hehe ^-^ hope all ur wishes and dreams come tru! hehe
and thankz for everything !! lol..><
newasie i better go..i duno wut to rite atm..........
sigh weekends...u all hav funn!!!! ^_^ *keep smilings*
love, baybi^dreamer hehe

waiting/lost/confused/sigh..

2004-08-25T11:59:00.000+08:00
wel first of all..iwl give ya the happy news....
today is JEnnie's 16ht birthday!! ^-^ HAPPY sWEEET 16TH jenJEn^^
haha okok...hrm
wel now hte depressing boring all news..that im sure everyone is probably sick and tired of listening to ...
wel i cant help it ok..it been bothering me for some time now..and i need to let it out...some way or another...so if u dun wana listen close this window!! lol...>.<" hrm newasie, i feel ....like within me..ther is something missing..?! o_O^^ ther is a deeeep, dark, empty hole that i hav fallen into and im lost....there is no wher to hold on to and nothing to lead me ...>.<" im pretty much juz aimlessly wandering around this stoopid hole..waitng for an answer....a sign...somethink to show me wher to turn!! my emotions and feelings are floating around this hole and mai head.... it doesnt fit together...everything is juz mixed up and confused..... im lost....and i duno wher to turn!! im stuk at one point where i need to decide wher to turn...but i cant do it on my own..and i need to kno how...this one...one certain person....feels for me....><" i need to kno how he feels and if he cares still......... iv been gettn soo much counselling wit mai fwens..haha they telln me wut to do, givn me advise..and most of all listening and putting up wit mai crap!! i kno it been v boring and most of u are sick of it alreadi..pFt u kno hu u are..biatchh!! ahAHa =Pp soo insensitive! rofl...it kOol* hrm wel...i wana say thank u to all of u hu been listening to me....and thankz fo the counselling..!!! u kno hu u are! hehe ^_^ i tink u need to counsell mai bF haha and make a boook!! lol =P yer newasie...hrmm right now im hanging onto nothing coz i got no lead to which way imma fall.....in or out... of...love?..lust? ..i duno wut im feeling...>.<" they say u need time to make a relationship work..so ..im waiting..and i would reali want it to work.....but i need a sign......and maybe..hrm time will make things work out..coz it hard to find that feeling..of love!? altho i hav never felt it bfo...it sounds like one of the besest feeelings inda world..but then one moment u mai feel on the top of the worlD...and then the next u feel like nothing...at the bottom~~sunken like an anchor?! *desciptive words* lol..>.<" yer my heart...it hurts......it feels heavy......like it is drowned in my tears....=/ ther been too much pain involved in loving....and it hurts deep inside.... everytime it beats...i feel the slow...painful thumpz...... they are heavy and everything feels lost and empty... breathing in.....into that deep dark hole.....it feels like it can go on forever.....down and down.......down to somewher..? i duno wher.....it juz a long fall.......to something that the future holds... bleh i duno wut im talkn abt now...>.<" im reali lost...
aiyah...
waiting.............

one month...................

2004-08-24T14:45:00.000+08:00
today b me and mai boiz one month!! >.<"
it seeems like soo much longer tho...i dunoo whuy?...
hrm wel it been a very bumpy ride ..wit the emotions flying constantly...but i must say that it has been a great experience..being wanted by someone else....that i havnt felt...in ages..maybe even forever!? o_O
i wana say thank u fo everything that u hav given me this month!! altho it still short and our realtionship has onli juz began...it has felt like i have been wit u for a very very long time....
ur a great guy and ...sometimes i cant believe that this is happening to me....
i never get the ones that i like, and so having u as my own.....wow that was a shock to me!! a suprise that someone like yu would be interested in a girl like me....>><"
wel im thankful to hav u in mai life..even if it may be for onli a short period in time...it was fun while it lsated and hope that the fun and good times will continue...
u mean alot to me and u brought in a light into mai life, brighting up mai boring and rejectful life..lol..
thank u..!!
luv u bbyz......

speEchleSs..

2004-08-23T11:50:00.000+08:00
i LOsT my voice...>.<" blEH* sigh im at school atm and im sick and i cant talk properly....and im listenin to peaches and cream!! lol ^-^ hrmmm... im still waiting...........he hasnt sed netink yet...hez acting as if nothing has happened....and it is killing me..!! i reali wana knooo...i reali NEED to kno!! this song...by human nature..is kinda how i am feeling right now..><

HUMAN NATURE LYRICS---When You Say You Love Me

I've been watching you from afar
And the way you make your way round the bar
You laugh like you're really entertained
And you smile like it's your favourite game
Now you move in closer to me

And our eyes are connected emotionally
Not lookin' for a one night stand
Or a place for a broken heart to mend
I know everybody here wants to hold you
I know what it's like 'cause I feel the same
When you look in my eyes
There's a part of me that's still afraid

[chorus]
When you say you love me - do you mean it?
Baby when you hold me do you feel it?
Should I believe the magic in your eyes?
I'll be waiting till the end of time
To hear you say you love me like you mean it
Baby when you hold me, make me feel it
All I wanna do is make you mine
I been hurt way too many times
They say if you wanna make god laugh

Then all you gotta do is tell him your plans
I know that the timings not right
Didn't know I would meet you tonight
It's not that I don't really like the attention

Cause I feel like the only man in the room
Are you really sincere?
Is it just something that you do?

[chorus]

Again and again and again
I've been hurt my friend to the end
Though I high I been low I got no place left to go
Again and again and again when will this searching end

[chorus]

......siiighhh~~~bleh*
+saranghae+ sighh i onli can wait and see how he feels for me.... our one month is tmr...and siigh i dun tink he rmbrs...>< sigh...i reali like himm v much and .......
bleh im soo confused..wit the silence that he is givn to me......
i want an answer.....bt now im afraid...of the result....and how he reali feels....
rejection is one thing that i have been putting up wit for most of my life and sigh i guess i needa prepare myself fo the worste coz as they all say.... all good things come to an end...
and now i wait .....i got nothing to do..iv done my part, iv told him how i feel...and now it all up to himm....
i luv u boi........ w a i t i n g ....sigh*
..............

semi..freedom..ended...

2004-08-22T16:49:00.000+08:00
sigh~wel..mai freedom has ended..last night at abt..11pm..parents came home from their one week trip in sydney...but now i get proper dinner~ rofl..i havnt eaten dinner for 2 days coz i cbfd..lol =Pp sighh..im not layzeeee haha..juz not hungryy...LOL till like hrmmmmm 3am inda morning..lol sigh o wells...
hrmmz..
wel yestday was boring assSss...imma get in troubl fo a dodgy weekend too...o.O sigh...i got snobbed soooo badd by...everyone..nearli...sighh
it was a very long and eventful dayy..v daymn boring and complicated...=/ i alreadi tolda bt 4 ppl then i gave up coz it too much to talk abt...and it juz makes me even saderrr...
yarh~~~hrm this morning i also confronted my someone speshial..and told him how i felt for him.....now im juz waiting for a reply.......>.<" and i been waiting for sooo long........and i juz wana knoooo how he feelz...but in some ways i dont...coz im scarded of the result..and wut he reali feels...wut if it is oPposite to how i feel? sigh........
i dunooooooo ..i cant do anything abt it..im juz left here waiting for him to reply....maybe he needs time? but then maybe...he dun wana answer coz...he dun feeeel the same? sighh i dunnoooo!! im gettn confused agenn...
BLEH*
aiyahh this whole love thing is annoying...luv/lust* bleh...
hrm welllllll....one thing good happend today and that be.....
mai big`lil bRo!!..COnGratzzz joElee...^-^ i welCom the new sisTer in laW hehe =Pp hehe wel good luk boizzzz!! u two are soo cuTee..^-^
newasie...i better gO...........take cares alll..........huGglEzx*

ReSt in pEacE miTchEll..miSsin yaZz

2004-08-20T10:33:00.000+08:00
Hrm last period today the school had a memorial for liddle mitchell~ they tried to make it a happy thing and tried to make us smile by reminding us of all the happy times mitchell had brought to us….. ^-^ it workd….for a while..but then they put on that powerpoint presentation…..and that song….worlds greatest-r.kelly* >.< and siigh~~
Little mitch was soo cute and he was soo happy.. sometimes wen I tink abt it..i still cant believe that he is gone and that he did this to himself.. he was alwaise cheerful and made us all laugh~the class clown* ^-^ eventho he annoyed all the teachers, everyone still loved him! But now he is gone……….and it hard to believe….
He was a great kid… although I wasn’t that close wit him this year… it still made a impact on me…. And I guess it did for many other people..coz he was our schoolmate, or class mate and or fwen and eventho we went that close wit him it impacted on us al a lot…><
Sigh… im going to miss him a lot… he was sucha nice boi and he made our maths classes so much fun and cheery! He would alwasie tell his jokes and make random sounds in the middle of class..=Pp~ he amused us all and kept us happy~~
The classroom was never quiet wen he was around…^_^ sigh*
Life is soo short and unpredictable…. We would usualli imagine that the people who dies are old and sick…. Nowun ever expected him to go since he was onli 16 and still young and active! …he was a very good pretender !! >.< keeping all the hurt inside of him and covering it up very very well..coz nowun suspected o.O~ sigh*
It makes us all appreciate the life that we live now and that we must make the most of what we have… >.<” we shouldn’t take wut we hav forgranted and live life to the fullest!?..
Sigh.. fwens are also v important in life and we must remind ourselves that they are there for us and we can alwasie talk to them abt our problems instead of keeping them inside of us and leaving it ther to trouble us….>.< it best to let things out…express how u feel..coz u onli got once chance…o.O~
BlEH! Sighh…hrmm I got a headache…lol..>.<~
Wen I get “hello” back iwl d/L a pic of our liddle mitch! ^_^ eheh
*rest in peace mitch* ~~hope that u are in a better place now!!
I guess it was ur way of leavin all ur troubles behind… and finding the easy way out….
…it comes to show that we duno wut tmr is going to bring and we must alwaise tell our fwens and family how much they mean to us…coz u never know wut might happen tmr..it may be the last tyme that u lay eyes on that person u love…the last time u say goodbye… the last time u see their face ~~ >.<
it is a cruel world out ther *rofl* and so rember that ur fwens are alwasie there for u and that someone out ther loves u and will be ther to lend a helping hand or a ear to listen to ur problems.. ^_^
*alwasie smile bcoz someone out there loves ur smile, and while thinkn of u sighs and says life is worth while … ^^*
luv yaz………..xoxox

Rest in Peace mitchell. Tuesday 10/august/2004

2004-08-16T11:37:00.000+08:00
one week has past since the lost of our liddle mitchell.
we wer told of the news at school on wednesday afternoon...><><><>.<>.<>.<>< ... newasie, the lsat week hav been..terrible... soo much hab happend lately and i havnt been abl to think properly.... ther was mitchell..and my fav lil cousin....who i learnt is sick and hav been in hospital for the past 2 weeks..><>.< siighh....
then ther is...boyz..hahah
bois bois bois** they confuse the fuk outa me...
lol..wel i gtg...end of class.......................
RiP miTch~~~

+ r e j e c t e d +

2004-08-09T02:23:00.000+08:00
wel today i felt like shiet....sigh! the past few days have been the most boring days in mai life!! lmao...ok..maybe not that bad..but i juz feel like shiet!!!....=(
sometimes it feels as if nowun cares abt me...im sure everyone goes thru these days...siighh....
even mai family has been makn me feel left out....>.<>...
today i juz been annoyed wit emz all..coz they all ..annoying me! lol.. [o.O]~~
i oso been confused abt ...things... basically wut has been running thru mai head this pass few hours ish....... wo hen xi huan ni...ke si.. ni ye ai wo ma?? wo bu zi tao wo zuo se me.... i reali reali wuna kno..>.< coz im confused..coz u dun show it..and blEHH!!...sighh!!
im juz reali confused inside and duno wut to do??...i kno iwl hav to find out how he feels coz it gona be harder to let go later.....=/...yer!!? hehe...bleh!! but im afraid of the answer...coz nowun likes rejection....*duhHH* lmao.....im afraid that if i ask the answer is no......but i reali like him and im falling deeper...so i reali wish that wont be the answerr..lol if onli he knew and i didnt hav to ask coz he would show that he reali cared....but bleh..but the looks of things atm..hrmm i duno!??? aiyahh.........i wuna hug!! haha

grave of the fireflies...

2004-08-08T01:00:00.000+08:00
hehe yesterday arvo i watchd the jap anime, grave of the fireflies..omgosh it was soo cute !! haha..if u havnt watchd it bfo then go..it pwedii nice stowii..^_^
it was set in war times..ww2 i tink...hehe and it abt a boi and his family! he is the oldest brother and he ends up looking after his liddle sister bcoz his mother dies in an air raid..~~they are left wit their auntie who ends up being a major snob to them and they eventually leave her house and make their own place at one of the bomb shelters...>.<..the title of the movie comes to play aroun this time ..coz the liddle setsuko ish afraid of the dark and her bro, seita (i tink..cant rmber..lol) goes and catches some fireflies to light up their sleeping area...but in the morning they find that they all dieded, and liddle setsuko digs a hole and burries em...like a grave! haha ..of fireflies..lmao..WOW* haha yarhh..hrm the boi, seita..he ends up being all alone bcoz he learns that his father has also died fightin in the war..soBs* so he is left alone and eventually gives up hope on living and dies...>.< soBs* it was a pwedi touching show...=/ siGhHH..the liddle setsuko was sooo cute i tell u..hahah at first i thought that she was a liddle boi..ahaha =Pp.....
newaise today was a long ..and fukn tiring dayy....out fron 11am to 11pm...12 hrs straight!!! and still up now...blEHh!! i tink imma pass soOn, coz it ish sooo fuking BORING!~~~~wHer is everyoNe??? siiiGhh...
today was kinda ...BorinG..haha wel, hrm eva's bday..today as in the 8/8...^^hehe so HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO U! hehe..hrmm we went out to city today ...went to take a dreamfoto which loOkd..errr...EWW hahah >.< seriousLY!! lol...hrm me and cwissy toook one too and oMFg ..Yuk once ageN!! sighh...hrmm...
today i got snobbd by my bF! wuTta biatCH!...siGh....i dunooooooo blEH! *dreamer*...>.<
everything was quite weird today...ppl acting weird and shiet...[o.O] siGH! wut going on wit the world? haha o yer, mai ...er...ex`gor ignord me today too..bleh! it made me angryy..so did A...=/ blEH! today was juz one fukd up day..and i felt like sleeping..hahah [zzzz]...
newaise after city we went bak to eva's house, wher we ate alot of pizza...MmmMmMmm [5 pieces] LOL.. im not fat! hahah >.<......and we watChd dane coOoks..i tink his name ish dane..or wasit daniel or david? dane i tink....=/hrmm haha..wel he was daymn cute..and fuNni and has nice armss!! Lol..v enjoyable to watCHH!! ^^
we oso watchd a bit of black knight coz it was on showtime..and then a bit of just married...>.< and oso start of some random show...duno wut it called....^^ hheHee..
yarHh..and now im lying here in bed and mai left arm ish dead..coz im using it as support fo mai body..! lmao.. it hard to explain mai pos. atm! hahah =Pp...im soo tired..and soo boredd....
the bordem ish putting me to sleep!!! seriouslYY!!! aiyahh..i wuna do sumtink right now..or talk to someone.. onda fone or in person!! haha right noww!!! blEH!! sigh...sobS* blEh*...o.O
ok goooodmorning all...

my sassy girL..^^

2004-08-05T00:44:00.000+08:00
hewoz all...
today we finished school at 1.15 coz there was parent meetings today..>.<>.< haha ="/" haha ="P..if">.< hrm iwl juz learn random words haha ..heheh yer..
aiyah shiet i gtg soon or else iwl get caught using the internet..sigh!! ...hrmm
okok i go now..haha biabai

walking thru the rain...aww lol wit the boi of ur dreams holding u by ur side..aww

2004-08-02T23:18:00.000+08:00
haha wel, hrm u all prob wtf my blog title? hah wel..me watchn a korean love story on sbs..haha it was pweddi kewt and romantic at one stage..the chic and the guy wer standin in the rain and they wer telln each other that they liked each other and stuff and promised each other that no matter wut happens they will alwaize be ther fo one another..haha that lovey doveyy stuFfs...>.< aWww...
but then the dude says the most random and straight forward thing ever, tat ruined the whole romantic scene!! siGH.ahah but it was fuNni..he sed......*qUietS*paTter or raIndrOpZ*....maN: i want to sleep wit u!
LMAo haha and she like.....*lOoks at mAn*....giRl: i want to sleep wit u toO!!..lol..*hiPhiP hOoorAy* waLKs ofFf together hanD in haND unDer a brOken umbRella..inda raiN* ..loL..aWww wuTta nice lOVE stoRY!! haha
nah it not finished yet..buT yer lol...it is a hel random but..interesting stowii..keke im watchn it now..=P
hrmm WIERDOOOOoo shoW! hahah abt gAy lovers too! lol..aWW feel sowee fo the gals in the relationship coz they got dumped fo a maN!! aiyahh...soBSss* haha..
hmz wel i been writn this for one hour liao and it full of random shiet!! keke..>.<
hrmm..events of today: went to school and was supposed to do mai econs talk but missed out by one persoN! yay! haha =P..hrm nothing much happend today except ther was trouble in paradise for two fwens of mine..=(
hrm talkd to one side of the story but the other one not talkn to me..>.<>.< siigh!
yer wel the movie is nearli endeD....hRmmmm time to sign oFf fo tonightsz!! *huGglEs*
-gOodmornings alL- **bayBi dReamEr**

soo much assignments to do...sobs*

2004-07-31T15:38:00.000+08:00
aiyah today is saturday altho it feels like sunday..coz everyone is out like every sunday and i usualli go out on saturrdayyz..>.< sigh o wells..im kinda dead tired and too cold to go out todays..altho..tonight..haha hrmm!!
*coFfs*..this blog is going to be another random like all my other ones..coz im bored and full of shiet..haha =/
err yerr..hrmm,
life is gettn better...yay haha wel, not reali..school is kinda crazyeee...too much work to do ..every since the first day of term iv been having tests and assignments every single day of the weeek.....one after anotherr..sigh...however, we finish school at 2.50 agen so yay..that is goood..^_^~~ oso being wanted feels v nice...=) hehe sighh..i tink i like u! haha =P
hrm wel i better do my work..i cant think atm..too much is going on and i duno wut to write..
i tink i should stop writing here..unless i got stuff to say..lol..>.< shOosh*
okok hav a fun weeekend dudes and dudettes!!! *muAkz*

blEHhh!!

2004-07-30T08:58:00.000+08:00
FUK OFF TINA..hahaha no way u givn him this sitE!!! dont be mean!! lol....

haha newaise, the last blog i posted was a fukd up day..>.< yer imma see him tonight..lol
blEH newaise, i am siCk...stoopid weather..alwaise colD...sigh!
i hav nothing much to rite today...im at school and it is boring..and that dodgy e-messenger is not working today..but then, who would be on at this time of day!? lol
hRmmmm w/e's are here..finally* but i got sooo much hwk to do...i gotsa econs oral to do on monday and on tuesday i got a maths test...*fUk* and wed got an accounting test..and today i got an accountin essay!!! arggHh!..ever since the first day bak to skul iv had a test to do every single fukn day...aaiyyahhh soooo sad...sobs sobs*
lala..newaise, i gona go now..im wastin ppls time..and boring everyone out wit me and mai bs...!! =P
take cares all..lol byEBye..hav fun at skul kiddies..haha ^_^

confuszled..

2004-07-28T11:24:00.000+08:00
today me been thinkn alot abt my boi..hrm i duno if he likes me?? sighhh..im soo confused coz i got these thoughts in my head and i duno wtf is happening? sigh..i askd around some fwens to try and get out the truth, but i guess hrm iwl never know unless i ask him hor!? aiyahh ..i nearli cried today too..in scHoool..lol >.< EeeEk.. bois bois bois..i duno wut to do wit ems! aiyahh i wana cry agen! lol...fukn bs...
hrm it goes like this..i like u...i tink im fallin deeper..but i duno if u feel the same..?? i kno it been very fast and we hav onli been together a little while...but sometimes i get the feeling that u dont like me ..that way. hrm u told me abt the dare and that made me think...whether u wer juz presured to do it, and if they didnt dare wut would happen then? =/
iv talkd to my friends abt what u did to me bfo we wer together and then now i tell them we together they say im stoopid and i shouldnt trust u! >.< hrm but i hav the other ones hu say if u reali like him then juz go fo him, and he is a loyal guy and u can trust him!! =S aiyahh i would reali want for this to work..or at least try it for a bit longer..coz i duno wut would happen to me if we break..coz me alreadi fukn cried for u and i tink that this will trigger it fo sure *duH!* sigh.. but then if u dont like me then i guess it the best for u to let go, and since i like u, i think i would want u to be happy! sighh..how am i gona tell u abt how im feeling ryt now?? when am i going to see u next?? hrm ...
sometimes i feel like u dun feeel the same becoz u dun act it...i mean, wen we are out we hav fun together and all is good..but then wen i dont see u, u never call or msg and i think abt u..>.<>.< fukn bs!! aiyahh i duno wut to doo!! i dun wana fall any deeper if u dun reali care!!...so i need to kno.....sigh! but how?? aiyahh!!!
i dun want u to like me coz of a dare! i dun want u to like me coz i cried! i dun want u to like me coz u feel guilty abt wut u did! i want u to like me coz u reali do..coz if u dun iwl end up hurt laters and i guess it better now then later wen maybe..juz maybe i fall in luv wit u..>.< eEek!-that worD!! it scares me! sighh....
hrm i feel a physical attraction between us..hrm i can talk to u wen im wit u...i enjoi all the times wwen i can see u..hrm i duno wut is missing..maybe it stilll the trust, but im sure tat can be regained~maybe we juz got nothing in common? however i wouldnt know coz u havnt told me much abt urself...>.< AIYAH!!! im soo confused!! sighhh soBbz*
*wo hen xi huan ni ..., ke si wo bu zi tao ni xiang wo ma?* i would reali like for this to work..but i guess now it is up to u......if onli u knew how i felt..........

back to schOoool....sigh...

2004-07-27T13:59:00.000+08:00
today is tuesday and im in my last class for the first day back at school..sigh how exciting..lol
hrm wel im in digital media atm and im not quite sure wut i am doing! >.< hehe hrm wel the holidays just have to end when things start to be fun eyy!! that wut alwasie happens..lol
hrm..yesterday i went out wit some fwens to go and study in town..lol we did for a while..but then after we went to lunch our appetite for studying disappeared! lol yer and we all juz bummed around town..hrm vanilla...Mmmm lol n/c..
sigh i tink me ish sick..espesh after sunday night, coz it was frikknn cold i tell u and i was wearn mai kool lil boxers..lol and freezing mai ass off..and i couldnt sleep properly..sobs*

christmas in july..^_^

2004-07-25T23:16:00.000+08:00
hehe wel yesterday was christmas in july..hrm no pwessies..haha but im satisfied coz i got myself a boi..lol >.< sigh! it been a v long time since i had a "proper" boi...=/ lol..aiyah and the boi is the same one that i was talkn abt in mai previous posts!! lol..
yer some say that im stoopid..which i think i kinda am..coz i mean, if u think abt it, how can i trust him agen yer!?? but then u see..i like him still !! haha and then i cant juz get over sumone soo fast..(it onli been err tue-fri...hrmm 3 days, and i dun tink i can get over sumone that fast yer??!) yerr sigh so i guess me liking him made me say yes... >.< hehe yerr..
schoool is starting sooon..sobz..one more day left..and guess wat? i havnt done much hwk at all..sigh! #25 angel-jess simpson on AT40 haha every sunday on 92.9 ..american top 40 hosted by ryan seacrest!! lol it kickz assss!!!! haha u kno, number one for the past 8 weeks has been hooobastank - the reason!! sighhh!! haha i luv that song soo much..it soo nice! ^_^
hrm wel imma attatch a pic of me and mai lil bro..haha i tink its pweddi cute..altho he is a very annoying liddle piece of shiet..!!! lol.he found out mai website..>.< eek !! i mean, this page..sigh omGG..hahah hopefulli he dun go on thens..sigh..*siff ey* lol aiyahh!! o wait shiet..mai daddy deleted that hello thingy that u need to upload fotos on this bloG page..siighH!!! o wels..u missed out!! haha
wel i better go now coz mai daddy wants me to get off now..sighhh...latahzzz nights*

holidays are coming to an end..sobs

2004-07-23T19:40:00.000+08:00
its friday..omg the holidyas are going soo quickly! aiyah...i havnt done umm any homework yet..fukknn fuK! haha shiet i reali gotta get sum done sooon..coz me got a maths test on wed and an inclass essay for english on wed morning...*first class* Eeek! and the great thing is..haha i juz finished reading mai novel this afternooon..lol soo slow! hrmm hahaha.. >.<
i tink tuesday i got some human biology thingy..sigh! soo much work to do...and i got soo much stuffs to do on friday too...accounting essay and intro calc hwk....aiyahh!!
newaize me hav to go sooon ..coz stoopid bro turn liao...american pie 2 ish gona be on tonight!! haha wOOooHh lol..yer wel um iwl write more tmrs....hrmm party tonights! haha time to drink down the sorrows and party hard! lOl..mmmMm alcimahol!...haha ok byEeess

cont from yestrday...

2004-07-22T21:45:00.000+08:00
sorry abt yesterdays blog..it was kinda dodgy and short ! haha me couldnt stay online for long..sobs* hrm wel me been pweddi confuzzed lately..the whole boi issue has been makn mai head hurt soo much..sigh!
me trynin not to think abt him too much..but i cant help maiself..and it makes me sad at times... but hrm mai head is reali messed coz sometimes i dun feel nefink fo him and at times i reali like him..and it is confusing u kno! haha and it reali sukx...
sigh! hrm wel iwl be seeing him tmr night..i wonder wut gona happen..hahah wel iwl keep that to maiself ..
hrm wel today i stayed at home, coz me not reali allowed to go out anymore..*grounded* aiyah haha...hrm didnt get enof sleep too..
wel im not makin much sense..im not quite sure wut i am writting abt...me talkn to "him" right now..sigh! hehe i tink fwens are the best yer...so iwl b fine..haha hrm flirt a bit here and ther..haha >.<
hrm ok im talkn shiet now ..iwl write more wen i can think of stuff to write..>.< im wastn ppls time..sigh!
sign mai guestbook ppl! hahaha if u cBFd...k bYEBye

confused

2004-07-21T23:32:00.000+08:00
today i went to galleria coz mai bro had a trumpet thingy in morley area...soo far away!! wut a terrible car ride there...sigh! lecturesss...hrmm and i was listening to mai cd in the car...sigh..all the love songs and heart breakin songs..fukn bs..lol made me sad..and think!! hrmmm mai head is soo fukd atm...
sometimes i feel like i like him and sumtimes it juz..blEh!! nothing there...hrm im confused that all..and i gtg coz argh not allowed online nemore rember hahah okok byebye

rEjected dReameR

2004-07-20T22:08:00.000+08:00
sigh! hrm wel today i went out wit fwens and it was the worste day of my bumming life! haha sigh! aiyahh newaise it goes like this....

that boi..haha he played me like a foool...like everyone else i ever fell for..! sigh! wel hrm today i saw him and he snobbed me off..and then i say him agen abt 2-4 hours later and we went for a walk/talk..and he sed that he likes another gal..sigh! wel that reali suKd...i thought that maybe sumthink could happen but i guess i was wrong! sigh......aiyah i feel like shiet..!! everytime i fall for someone i alwaise get fukd over and im reali sick of it now..and i feel like giving up on the whole boi thing...aiyahh..
i feel stOopid..coz it only been a short while and i fell too easy maybe?! but then ppl kept on telling me that he liked me and to hook in blablabla....and i thought that sumtink mite happen..but he didnt feel the same..and i got fukd over..once agen! fuknn bs..i hate bois! haha >.< aiyahh
and then ppl made me cry..i mean tear! i tried to keep em in lah...coz it was inda middle of town! haha and ppl would be like wtF!! sigh!..hrm but wen ppl say stuff like ...aww dun cry it will be ok..blablabla..i cry! haha it triggers it lahh...aiyahhhh bLEHH!!

yer today was pweddi bs..i was supposed to go to metros then didnt end up going..hrm then bummed all day and it was raining...hrm also got snobbed by lotsa ppl..and ...HIm..haha >.< aiyah that fukn made my day! aiyah life is fukn full of motherfukn fukd up fukn shiet! sigh! o wels, i guess that is life..wel my life at least..and it fukn sucks!!!!! aiyah feel like shiET!!! i wana cry agen!! ahaha o yer, today was hel crying weather...coz it was raining...and i felt like shiet..and after i heard i juz felt like lying in mai warm bed and cry and listen to the rain! haha stoopid me!!

lalala....sigh!! whuy isit that wenever i get close to a boi i get fukd over??!! it is soo annoying...the ones that i am actualli interested in and think that there might be sumtink...and wut do i get in return!?? siighh!! *rEjeCteD dreAmeR* >.< BlEhhh..

okok i need to get over it!..iwl be fine i tink..lukily he told me earlier yer..coz if i fell more i would be fukn ********************************************** i dunoo ! lOL bEeeEePP! swearing mai ass ofF! lol and i dun tink iwl be abl to typ and be in mai bed cryin or sum shiet ! hahaha o welss..life is like that!!
lallalala....im finEe! hrmmmmmm i guess me fall tooooo easi and i juz suK! ..

ok end of blog fo now.

bOis bOis boiSs....

2004-07-18T15:54:00.000+08:00
aiyah bois..soooo annoying..haha i hate this stoopid bf/gf thing..!! >.<
hrm ryt now im juz reali confused and i feel soo bad..coz mai fwen likes me..and im reali good fwens wit him now... i knew how he felt abt me so i tried my hardest not to lead him on..but im not that type to fully reject peoples..so me had to restrict myself into doing many things while i was with him..=/ hrm wel, i thought that maybe he had finally got over me and not long ago..i met some boi and i tink i could most probably fall for him!..aiyahh hehe..hrm, wel newaise this gd fwen of mine..hrmm i told him abt this new boi and i hurt his feelings...aiyahhh i feel bad..but he duznt understand they situation he put me in too..coz knowing that he liked me made me restrict myself from doing things coz i didnt want to lead him on...siigh! he has been thru quite alota shiet lately and i dun wana make it worste but i tink i juz did..and i feel like shiet!!! i feel bad lah but i duno wut to tell him..coz i dun wana make him feel worste..but i dun wana loose him as a fwen! hrm hopefully he will understand lah..but i duno? it mite be weird between us after this..i hope not tho! siigh! up to him i guess....aiyah i duno..im kinda confused...>.<
newaise, this other boi..he is a reali nice guy..and he is pwedi daymn fine too! haha aiyah..i havnt had a "proper" bf in soo long...and i duno? i tink i tink to muCh! haha >.< im afraid of the result and all and i duno? it juz been too long i gues..and iv been single fo quite a whyl now..siigh! hrmm iv had "improper" bois..hrm meaning i never officialy bf/gf..but we do things that we not supposed to be doing..and mani ppl thought that we wer going out..but we wernt..u kno wut im sayin? haha lOl..but we got over each other after a couple of months..but we are still fwens! hehe ..sighh! im a weirdo..shoOoosh..keep it to urself! lol
hRmm yes bois bois bois..siigh!! hehe
ok wel i write more laters.. ^_^ bYEbyez

one week of holidays gone....sobs*

2004-07-17T21:50:00.000+08:00
today i went to citee and bummed ..as usual..hehe =Pp i was feeling kinda dull and lifeless coz there wasnt many people there tOo..which was kinda unusual..hrmm met some boi..hrmm hehhee.. siigh... i duno wut im doing lahh..im kinda confused coz it been sooo long since i last had a boi and i duno..i tink im scared??.. afraid to commit coz im afraid of the ending??..siighh.. i duno wut to dOo..soBz..hehe
ANYWAYs..haha im watchn BullEtprOof atm on channel 10..hehe this show ish farni...hrm MiB ish on too haha.. gO wilL~~^_^

hrm one week of holidays is over and i havnt even finished reading my book for english..."to kill a mockingbird" ..aiyah it is toooo boring..... keep on puttin me to sleep..anyone wana help me do my essay? aiyahh...and i got my econs and accounting..and intro calc..stoopid skUl..>.< siiiighhh!!

me restricted from going out and using net..siighh!! aiyah these holidays been pretty ...bs !!gettin into too much shiet and im sooo sick of it liao..i feel like running away sumtimes eyy..aiyah! my life is stoopid....aiyahhhH!! BLEH!!! >.< o wels..i guess in life we always hav to go thru all this kinda shiet that gets thrown at us..coz..that juz life!! hahah... we hav to overcome all the obsticals that life throws at us.........siiighh
heheh ok wel iwl write more laters.......

byebyez all.. ^_^

life is fucking full of motherfuking fukd up fukn shiet©j_s

2004-07-16T23:49:00.000+08:00
i havnt been online in a whyle so me gona post this blog this way.....hehe

tuesday 13th july 2004
hrm today we went to metroz.....the music was shiet and there wer no bois..lol..>.< too many gals..pweddi daymn slutty too...hrm wel u get that ey!!..hrmmm lalal..tues was a pretty shiet day....hrmmm after metros was ok lah..had pizza..hehe thank u kelvin~hehe o thankz fo the icecream tina..! lol..

wednesday 14th july 2004..
hehe hrm wel today i called one of my bestest bum fwens in the entire world..haha *chris* yay..it been soo long since i last talkd to him...he all the way in singapore..=( miss u heapz chris!! hehe
yer talkn to him made my day coz the pass few days have been reali shiet!!!..ever since hrm monday i tinks..stoopid holidays!! >.< siigh...

thursday ...
today i was supposed to go out..but grrr...hrm went out to city wit mom at abt 3 and parents went to chek out some shop they want to buy..=/ hrm then i had to bring my stoopid annnoying..bro..i mean sis around city wit me..and me met up wit sum fwens...hrm wasnt feeling v happy coz i juz got caught by my daddy..coz me use the net alot at night without my parents knowing..but there are records that he found out abt and so i got into some shiet..and GRRr..i want adsl! =( sobbz* aiyah o wel....hrm wel bummed around city and nb fo a bit den went out fo lunch at sum chinese restraunt in applex...then went shopping..hehe *late night* at garden city...hrm kinda v boring... hrm i bought sum curtin thingy..hehe..i thought it was quite cute so yer..hahah hrmmmmmm

today is friday!! hehe today hrm i slept in..ALOT! haha..um coz parents went out this morning..yay so i slept !! hehe ...til abt 1ish..but i guess it ok coz me slept at abt 4:30am!! hehe o today i talked to chris agen! hehe coz joelee met up wit him for me! yay..hehe thank u anjoElina joEle!! hehe..yer joelee soo nice coz he lent chris his mobile to call me! hehe *cofrichcof* haha =Pp
today oso got mtv movie awards~it was ok lah..and then got big brother uncut awards..me watchn it now...hehe it quite very funni.. =)

newaise i tink iwl b off now...byebyezz

iMma gEek!! hahaha...>.<

2004-07-14T16:27:00.000+08:00
hrm wel im in riverton library atm...and im hungry! haha errr my bro is reading this atm and is the koolest piece of crap ever! lmao..er he is single so if anyone wants a boifriend then holla at me! lol he thought he was gay! haha dun worry!! ^_^ hRM yess leonard loves mEn! ahha JKJKJKZ..hRMmm *thinkz* hahah
lalala..anyone wana buy me some maccas? maybe ome nuggets and chips..plus a chocolate sundae please!! mMm chocolate..haha ok sowee im bored atm..gona fall asleep soon..>.< hRMmm time to play some net games!! haha byEByezz *huGglz*

What You Mean To Me…

2004-07-13T04:44:00.000+08:00
You turned my darkness into light;
You made everything all right.
You picked me up when I was down;
You turned my life around.
If I didn't have you, what would I be?
A blessing is what you are to me.

When I needed you the most, you were there;
Even if it seemed like you didn't care.
When I didn't think I could make it another day,
You chased all my doubts away.
If I didn't have you, what would I be?
A treasure is what you are to me.

The world is full of many people, it's true;
But there is only one of you.
You fill my heart with love;
You're a God-sent gift from above.
If I didn't have you, what would I be?
An angel is what you are to me.

Lost and alone, I will no longer be;
Because you are here with me.
There is no reason to be sad;
You've taken away all the bad.
If I didn't have you, what would I be?
A best friend is what you are to me!!

hrm wel it all avt fwens atm..hahah juz wana say thank u agen!! u boix kno hu u are!! ^-^ rmbr that iwl alwaixe b here fo u..*smilez* FoRevAa fWenSz~~*hUgGleZx* ^^

you were alwaixe there...

2004-07-13T04:38:00.000+08:00
Whenever I needed someone to talk to
You were always there.
My eyes filled with tears, my heart filled with
pain, and
You were always there.
There was no time when I had doubt
to come to you because
You were always there.
I could see in your eyes you wanted to help, and
that you really cared.

Whenever I was down and blue
You were always there.
No matter my problems, are what was wrong
You were always there.
Whenever I felt like nothing matters
You were always there.

Now your gone, and I don't know what to do
I close my eyes and think of you, and how
You were always there.
It's hard to look at the pictures, and get
memories of you
Can you hear me now
At night I pray, and I speak to you
I guess you were right when you told me no matter
how far you were
You would always be there.
I know one day I'll see you again, but till then
I have to say goodbye

Even though it hurts to hear your name, and speak
of you
One thing I will always say is
You were always there.

forever fwensz!!*muakSz*

2004-07-13T04:12:00.000+08:00

+fweNsz fOrevErz+

cast away

2004-07-13T00:08:00.000+08:00
hehe wel this was actualli for umm..sunday night..and i was supposed to typ this yestrday but now it flowed into today..coz it pass midnight liao...hrmmm
wel this movie is actualli very nice one..^-^ if u never watched bfo, it is abt Chuck (tom hanks)..i tink that what his name was..lol..um haha wel he gets in a aeroplane crash yer..haha and um he is the only survivr..and he floats to an isolated island in the middle of..er nowher..>.< and years pass and he ends up living off coconuts and shiet for 4 years..and he has a fwen, wilson (the vball) ^_^ hehe and after 4 years he thinks of a way to escape from the island..and he made a raft and all and difts into sea...ehehe and finally he gets rescued and goes home and finds that his gf has moved on had has a family of her own ..yer wel this movie was kinda stoopid at times but v nice and meaningful tOo...
it made me think abt how lucki i am to hav such good fwens in my life.. (u all kno whu u are!) hehe..i like to think alright!! leave me alone! lol..>.< uMm yer the show made me think abt my close bumhol fwens i got and make me feel happy that i got them all~hehe hrm while we are on this subject..iwl juz like to say thank u! thank u to all my bestest fwens out ther for being there for me when i was down and for sharing funny and happy memories wit me! this show made me realise that friends are v important in life and they are alwiase ther as a companionship foreverz! so u never feel sad and alone, and they can help u cope wit all the shiet that life throws at us...thank u for being there for me and putting up wit my crap throughout these years!! ^-^ im greatful to meet u all!! hehe *huGglz* aiyahH.. i miss u chris! eventho we mai be seperated by many oceans and lands u will alwaise be in my heart oki^_^ coz u been a v good fwen to me and i will alwixe be here fo u..hehe *muAkz* hrm goes the same to all of my bumhol fwens out ther! haha ..siigH...
cast away has showed that living life alone is no fun and friends is a v important part of living..coz witout friends u hav nowun to turn to (prentend that im talkn abt being in tom hanks position ok!! lol wen u stuk on the island wit no family and a volleyball friend named wilson!! lol) ..see chuk only had his wilson to keep him company..so now chuk dun feel lonely and he still got the determination to live on !! hehe

siigh wut am i on abt...??!! hrmm wel it ish reali late now..it has taken me err 3 hrs to write this..not reali focused on one thing atm..hehe >.< too mani thinkgs going on !! Eek!!

hrm oso that movie has taught me that there are many things in life that we take fogranted..coz there are mani places out there in the world who dun get as much as we do here...>.<>.< siiiGhhh...

wel i guess i better be off to bed liao...>.< its nearli 4am..eEek..sowee for confusing everyone wit mai unko posting today..

gOooOodnightz ~~and keep smilingz!! *mUAkz*

2004-07-10T15:30:00.000+08:00

aWw..

2004-07-10T15:23:00.000+08:00

+liDdle bOi^bOi dReamEr+

holidays...

2004-07-10T14:22:00.000+08:00
wel, today is the start of the mid year holidays! yay..hehe finally off skul..now i can make up fo lost sleep time..>.< hehe by sleeping in! and extending late nights..haha..
hrm today is boring..im supposed to be cleaning up the house..>.< ahah coz parents went house hunting..and im left wit mai little annoying bro..i mean sis! haha >.<
holidayss..aiyah going to be boring..i got soo much hwk and assignments to do..siighh! and everything is due bak on the first week of next term! siighh...
hrm me is talkn to mai fwen in spore..he better be coming bak after the holidays..coz many ppl will be missing u here babez! hehe ^_^ yer u better..(if u reading this) hehe!! mUst listen to ur sSs^huMsup^x|ao^jiE..lmAO..wtF..>.<
life is so boring..and it sUkz..>.< i wish i was back in spore right now..so i can do my shopping ehe..and meet up wit all mai fwens and relatives!! siighh..missin u all heaps! *huGgles* hopefulli i can go bak at the end of the year..but that is if i do good in mai skul..>.< which is hard! haha coz i feeling pweddi stoopid lately..! i need a tutor for intro calc and econs i tinks..>.< anywun wana help me? hehe..
wel i tink i better go clean up the house a bit more bfor my parents come home!
take cares u aLl! and rember to keep smilings...coz thers someone out there who loves ur smile and while looking at u sighs and says..lifes worth while! hehe so smiles all! ^-^
*mUakz*

PrOmiSe..

2004-07-10T04:18:00.000+08:00
As you sit in silence,
Wondering why
I'll be your shoulder to cry on
Until your tears run dry.

When you've been hurt,
And can't believe what they've done
If you need someone to talk to
I'll be the one.

If a close friend hurts you,
And you don't understand
Remember I'm here,
I'll lend a helping hand.

Burdens are lighter when carried by two,
And I just want you to know
I'm here for you.

Hoobastank - the reason

2004-07-10T03:11:00.000+08:00
I'm not a perfect person
as many things I wish I didn't do
but I continue learning
I never meant to do those things to you
and so I have to say before I go
that I just want you to know

I've found a reason for me
to change who I used to be
a reason to start over new
and the reason is you

I'm sorry that I hurt you
it's something I must live with everyday
and all the pain I put you through
I wish that I could take it all away
and be the one who catches all your tears
that's why I need you to hear

I've found a resaon for me
to change who I used to be
a reason to start over new
and the reason is you
and the reason is you
and the reason is you
and the reason is you

I'm not a perfect person
I never meant to do those things to you
and so I have to say before I go
that I just want you to know

I've found a reason for me
to change who I used to be
a reason to start over new
and the reason is you

I've found a reason to show
a side of me you didn't know
a reason for all that I do
and the reason is you

this is the song i am totalli in love wit atm..>.< hehe...it is such a nice song...the singer has sucha nice voice hor~?! hehe..siigHh...i dun hav mai reason yet.....